DAD, YOU CAN’T DISOWN YOUR SON; SON NEITHER CAN YOU!

DAD, YOU CAN’T DISOWN YOUR SON; SON NEITHER CAN YOU!

By Victor Uyanwanne

Some parents often use unkind words on their children, without caring much about the negative effects such words have on them. Researches have shown that yelling at children or speaking harshly to them negatively affects their self-esteem.

Apart from speaking unkind words and yelling at their children, some parents go as far issuing unnecessary threats too. For example, imagine a dad who lashed at his son in a very strong voice, “….I will disown you.”

That’s really unfair to the child! Forget whether the dad meant it or not, that’s not the issue here now. We know that many angry parents who threaten to disown their children never get to do so. But why use such a threat?

 Truth be told, when a parent threatens to disown a child over some irregular behaviour, or for whatever reason, what comes to the fore more is the lack of a good sense of responsibility on the part of the parent than the foolishness of the child.

Apart from the negative psychological effects such words have on the child, such threats also cast some doubts on the level of maturity of the man as a father. I say this because a mature, patient and responsible parent should know better ways to handle his child’s misdeeds than to issue a threat to disown him or her over such behaviour.

An average teenager does not like to be threatened; parents ought to know better.

Truth be told, when a parent threatens to disown a child over some irregular behaviour, or for whatever reason, what comes to the fore more is the lack of a good sense of responsibility on the part of the parent than the foolishness of the child. Why would a parent contemplate disowning his own biological child, under any circumstance? Bring up any reason and I will tell you that it is not acceptable.

 Whether your dad lives up to your expectation or not, he is still your dad. You don’t even have the right to disrespect him, let alone repudiate his fatherhood.

Let me be frank with you, it is a mark of parental irresponsibility for a parent to disown his child over some unruly behaviour of the child. Parents should take full responsibility for a child’s behaviour. One way or another, parents contribute to whatever behaviour their children put up in life.

To the father, whether it appears so to you or not, your kid is yours forever; you are his dad and he is your son. Whether he behaves well or not, you belong to him and he belongs to you. I mean, he didn’t ask to be brought into the world; it was your choice and your decision. So as long as those words are true, you could not really disown him.

To the child, your dad is yours forever. It doesn’t matter that you were not consulted before he and your mum took the decision to birth you into the world. Do you realise at all that your dad was also not consulted before his own parents gave birth to him? So show some understanding with your dad, please. Whether your dad lives up to your expectation or not, he is still your dad. You don’t even have the right to disrespect him, let alone repudiate his fatherhood.

 It should go without saying that no matter happens, a father should not disown his own biological child, and neither should a child disown his dad.

Several years ago, I watched on TV as ace Nigerian comedian, Tariah Basorge Jnr, told the joke of two kinds of dads who threatened their boys that they would be disowned if they continued with some certain unacceptable behaviour. I can’t recap the story with the exact words he used, but the joke sounded something like this:

The first Dad, wealthy and elitist by all means, threatened his son, “James, if you continue with this type of behaviour, I will disown you.”

James, realizing he had done wrong, replies in an apologetic tone, “Dad, I am sorry. Please don’t disown me. I promise to behave better going forward.”

Second Dad, poor and struggling to earn a living, said to his own son, “John, if you continue with this type of behaviour, I will disown you.”

John, feeling his father’s threat was inconsequential responded, “Disown me? Of what use is it being your son anyway? In fact, I have ‘defathered’ you already. When, my teacher asked us to invite our parents to the school the other day for PTA meeting, did I invite you?”

No parent has any sufficiently justifiable basis to use the words, “I disown you” on his child.

Even though the story was meant to be a joke, the implication is very serious. It is really sad how a dad and a son’s relationship degenerated to the extent like that between John and his dad. The two scenarios paint different pictures worthy of further consideration.

First, James’s response may be considered good enough whereas his father’s threat was as inappropriate as that of John’s father. But John’s response is condemnable by all means. That’s irresponsibility on his part!

All the same, it should go without saying that no matter happens, a father should not disown his own biological child, and neither should a child disown his dad. While I am not trying to say that parents should condone unruly behaviour of their children, it must be stated that parents should not use some kind of negative words on their kids.

When it comes to addressing the misdeeds of a child, a parent should never use “I disown you” on the child. Similarly, when a child comes face to face with the shortcomings of his parent, he should never use “I disown you” on the old block. No parent has a sufficiently justifiable basis to use such words. And no child should say that to any of his parents either.

 

 

©Copyright 2015 – Victor Uyanwanne

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8 thoughts on “DAD, YOU CAN’T DISOWN YOUR SON; SON NEITHER CAN YOU!

  1. chuks April 15, 2015 / 7:49 am

    Parents should not uses abusive words on their children. Children, obey your parents so that your days may be long. Child rearing and parenting is not an easy task. Jesus(Word of God( should be the foundation of every home/family)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Vincent Eleazar Onyemaibi August 14, 2015 / 1:29 pm

    Proverbs 18 vs 21 has made our position very clear on the consequences of using negative words or pronouncements on our children or any situation we find ourselves. It says ” Death and life are in the power of the tongue: they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof”. Children, Lack of money in the house should not be a yardstick for you to provoke your parents to the extent of speaking evil against you. Parents should also be very careful of their utterances, no matter the odds, because as the Angels of God are moving round unnoticed to bless people, so also, are the angels of darkness moving round to grab negative statements of people to work on them with their master – the devil, for afflictions. So please, let both have knowledge of the Word of God and good use of it. A right standing with God will surmount every problem, be it poverty or whatsoever.

    Thank you Victor for the write-up. More grease to your elbow, my brother.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Victor Uyanwanne August 14, 2015 / 10:49 pm

      Vincent, Thank you very much sir for the comment. I really appreciate your time here. I agree with your points. I am sure my other readers would too. Once again thank you.

      Like

  3. lynettedavis August 17, 2015 / 1:09 am

    A very well-known pastor disowned one of his children. To this day, they (he and the rest of the family) act as though she never existed. They say they only have three daughters. (Actually, they have four.) Despite the fact that most people know that there were four daughters in the family. This totally blew me away from a spiritual perspective. It was as though they put her in the car and dropped her off in the woods somewhere–the same way some people do a pet when they no longer want it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Victor Uyanwanne August 17, 2015 / 10:37 pm

      Thank you Lynette for stopping by. The story of the pastor you told is very touching. Without sounding judgmental, the said pastor has not done well by disowning his own child. I pray that God will touch his heart so he can realise this mistake. Even the father in one of Jesus’ parables never disowned his prodigal son. Thanks and cheers.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. R.S. HELMS February 10, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    Reblogged this on Bob's Opinion and commented:
    This is a good read for you who have children at home or otherwise. Thanks Victor for the post..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. VictorsCorner March 31, 2016 / 7:01 am

    R. S. Thanks for the reblog as well as the positive review comment. I am glad you like the post.

    Like

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