Can Unhappy Parents Raise Happy Children?

Happy parents, happy children

Good parenting is very challenging. That’s a common belief. But I guess you may not fully comprehend all the angles to it until you wear the shoes.

If you are already a parent as I am, then you are in a familiar terrain. But if you are not one yet, I hope it is part of your plan to become one in future. The experience will be wonderful.

I became a dad for the first time in the middle of 2012. From then till now I have two energetic boys that now call me ‘daddy.’ The second one just turned two years while the first one will be four in July.

You know, it is a great privilege to be a dad. But it is also a great responsibility to shoulder. And if you ask me what kind of dad I would want to be, I would not hesitate to tell you that I would want to be a great one – a great dad to my kids, both in words and in deeds.

How do I mean?

I desire to be a perfect example for my children to follow.  I desire to be a shining light that shows them the best ways to live in order to lead a purposeful and meaningful life.

I also want to be their friend, their hero, their confidante, their mentor, their teacher and their ‘everything’ that is possible for me to be under the Earth. But sometimes, I worry that I may not always measure up to these awesome standards as excellently as I would want to.

The reason for that is not far-fetched: I am not perfect – nobody is. Only God is the indisputable perfect Father!

You may think that I shouldn’t worry about it since all humans are not perfect.  I am not unaware of my limitations as a mere human, but that shouldn’t stop me from trying my best.

What gives me a cause for concern is when my imperfections begin to show up in some ways that negatively affect the way I relate with friends, family and others alike. I am sure there are parents who feel that way too.

Understandably, my family – wife and kids – are the closest people to me. Those are the dearest people that look up to me for direction and for inspiration. But sometimes, it seems a daunting task to be all the best I could possibly be to them.

If you ask me what kind of dad I want to be, I would not hesitate to tell you that I would want to be a great one – in words and in deeds.

I want to be a happy father to my children and a happy husband to my wife. After all, a grumpy man would not make a good companion to anyone – family or not family. This is part of the reason I have realised that I should strive to always have my emotions under control.

As you know, someone gets hurt when negative emotions get out of hands. No matter the external pressures I face, I try to hold myself together in such a way that negative emotions such as depression, discouragement, anger, frustration, impatience and the likes do not run wild in me, to the detriment of my family or of any other person for that matter.

It has not always been easy to keep up with the expectation. But, I can always boldly say that the grace of God has been sufficient for me.

Recently I experience some moments of unhappiness over some dissatisfying situations around me. I became moody and it rubbed off on my wife. The result? Both of us became unhappy for a few days, negatively affecting our communication.

The situation might have gotten out of hand if we had not taken necessary steps to address it. Thanks to my wife, we were able to rise above that unhappy, moody feeling.

How did we do it?

We talked to ourselves and we talked to God too.

In talking to ourselves, we bridged the communication gap that was created by my moments of happiness. And in talking to God, we joined hands and prayed in faith over the issues that burdened us. Both actions gave us the needed reliefs.

As we rounded off the prayers, my eyes fell on my kids lying peaceably in their sleep. In a brief moment of reflection following the observation and in the light of my not-so-cheerful countenance in the previous few day, I found myself thinking aloud to the hearing of my wife:

My Love, we cannot afford not to be happy as parents.  We need to be a good example to these boys.

My wife nodded in total agreement.

My desire is that our children will grow up seeing a healthy and happy relationship between my wife and I. I hope that they will see us as a veritable example for them to emulate.

It seems logical to think that unhappy parents may not be able to raise happy children. And I don’t want to be caught in that web. That’s why I wish to ask the question here, Can unhappy parents raise happy children?”

What’s your take please?

©CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne

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7 thoughts on “Can Unhappy Parents Raise Happy Children?

  1. Ufuomaee May 5, 2016 / 8:23 pm

    You’re so very right! You can’t give what you don’t have. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tikeetha T May 5, 2016 / 9:11 pm

    Nope. If you can’t teach your children both the good and bad of life and how you handle them then you are teaching them that it is okay to be unhappy. They need to see you smile, laugh and live. If you’re walking around in a perpetual funk then they are assuming that is how they are supposed to be and then you are failing them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • VictorsCorner May 5, 2016 / 11:04 pm

      Thanks for the comment. I agree with you that they need to see me smile, laugh and live. And I don’t want to fail them.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. As you know Victor all my Children are in Heaven but my life has been filled with other people’s Children over the years both in my work and in my Ministries and I have witnessed good and bad examples of Parenting and yes Children follow their Parents examples more than their words but Parents need to be real and not put on a Happy Clappy act but show Children how they work through their problems and disappointments as Christians. It is not a sin to be angry or unhappy but we need to resolve why we have these negative emotions and not hold onto any bitterness and resentment or seek revenge.

    It is True Victor we can never be Perfect in a Worldly way but we are to aim to be Perfected in Love as we see confirmed in the Scripture below.

    Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore Perfect, even as your Father which is in Heaven is Perfect.

    Hebrews 6:1 Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto Perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God.

    1John 4:17-19 Herein is our Love made Perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as He is so are we in this world. There is no fear in Love but Perfect Love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made Perfect in Love. We Love Him, because He first Loved us.

    2 Corinthians 7: 1 Having therefore these promises dearly beloved let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit Perfecting Holiness in the fear of God.

    2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be Perfect thoroughly furnished unto all good works.

    2Corinthians 13:11 Finally, brethren, farewell. Be Perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in Peace; and the God of Love and Peace shall be with you.

    “Christ”ian Love – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • VictorsCorner May 7, 2016 / 10:17 pm

      You are right Anne. I agree with your point that “Parents need to be real and not put on a Happy Clappy act but show Children how they work through their problems and disappointments as Christians.”

      I hope my other readers will not miss that point. At the same time we should remember that our emotions affect other people too. Hence we should be graceful while being ‘real” as you said. Thanks for the comment and the quoted scriptures.

      Liked by 1 person

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