Communication in Marriage: 4 Super Lessons in a Surprising Way

Need for healthy communication in marriage

Good communication is a vital part of building and sustaining a healthy marital relationship. A breakdown in communication between you and your spouse could result in a complete breakdown of the entire relationship.

As much as possible, you should endeavor to maintain a good communication flow with your better half. That means you have to promptly take care of anything trying to impede appropriate communications with your spouse.

Failure to do so may later lead to sad moments or other unpleasant consequences which you would not like.

That was the kind of unpleasant situation I recently found myself in. I had this general feeling of discontentment come over me as a result of some unexpected negative outcomes in some of the affairs of my life.

I would admit that I didn’t manage the feeling of dissatisfaction as best as I could I have done. As a result, my wife was feeling hurt in a way that I did not realise until she graciously brought it to my attention.

As I got into discussing the ‘issues’ with her, some things about communication in marriage became clearer to me in a way they had never been before. I  gave a vivid description of what happened in the post, “Is your feeling of unhappiness hurting your attractive spouse?” 

Did I learn anything good from the experience? Sure, I did! And that’s why I am writing this post.

Here are 4 super lessons I learnt from the brief moment of reflection over the said experience:

1. In a thorny situation, your spouse is not the thorn

Just like in any other relationships, you may sometimes have to encounter thorny issues in your marriage.  But it doesn’t mean your spouse is the thorn personified.

This seems obvious but it has to be said that your spouse is not a problem to you; neither are you a problem to him/her.

You are partners in progress; helpers of each other’s destinies. Any thought that deviates from this is a distorted view that should not be allowed to fester.

2. If your spouse wears an unusual outlook, you as the other half should show persistent care (by asking) to find out what the problem is.

Let’s face it: as much as you or your spouse would want to maintain a smiling face all the time, this may not always be possible. Therefore, if you see your spouse put on an ‘unusual’ look, it is not safe for you to assume that all is well or that he/she knows what he/she is doing at that point in time.

What you should do is to seek in love to know what’s up with him/her. That way you would be able to save the situation from further deterioration.

As a good spouse that you are, you should not be happy that your partner is unhappy. Giving a listening ear or having a discussion in love with your seemingly unhappy partner can often bring a soothing relief to his/her frayed nerves.

3. If your spouse slows down in communicating with you, that’s not the time for you to withdraw from him/her.

Various situations could arise in your marital relationship that may want to force a communication gap between you and your spouse. But don’t allow for a breakdown in communication between you both.

If communication fails, many other things may fail along. But this can be prevented if properly handled.

Many of the frustrations you may have experienced with your spouse may have resulted from inadequate or negative communication. Inadequate communications give room for suspicion or threat, which may in turn, give rise to a feeling of insecurity in the aggrieved partner.

On the other hand, negative communications breed resentment. And resentment blocks healthy fellowship.

Also, learn not to apply the silent treatment. It does not make things work out well in the long run.

4. Be strong for your spouse by whispering to him/her that you are there for him/her

Your spouse needs you to stand strong for him/her in the moments of weakness. Two good people, they say, are better than one. That’s why you are a couple in the first place.

You are better together. If one person falls, the other should be there to help him/her rise. If your spouse shows signs of emotional weakness, you should be a source of strength to him/her.

When your spouse goes negative, be strong for him/her by staying positive until the murky atmosphere clears. This way, you will prevent a bad situation from going worse.

Healthy communication is a very important way of sustaining a healthy marriage. You should talk with your spouse when there is something to talk about and even when there is nothing to talk about. Never apply the silent treatment because it will always backfire.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. Feel free to leave a comment.

 

©CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne

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15 thoughts on “Communication in Marriage: 4 Super Lessons in a Surprising Way

  1. chuks May 27, 2016 / 6:47 am

    Nice post. Communication bridges gap between spouses. Communication creates a friendly atmosphere and creates trust in between spouses.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jimout2002a May 28, 2016 / 8:32 am

    Healthy marriage nuggets, Victor! May God help us to be open to and transparent with our spouse. Thanks for the post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very good advice Victor, silence is not always golden, when we are hurting we do need to resolve why and not bottle it up, our Spouse or friends can’t read our minds. This is the same as you shared when they hurt us or seem distant, we are not to add to it by switching off but seek to help and when they do wrong to us we also seek to resolve it as confirmed below.

    Luke 17:3-5 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith.

    Proverbs 27:4-6 Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

    Leviticus 19:17 You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. (NKJV)

    “Christ”ian Love Always – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • VictorsCorner May 29, 2016 / 1:46 pm

      Thanks Anne for your comment. You are right: silence is not always golden.
      I like the way you put it: Our spouse or friends can’t read our minds. So true! We do need to communicate in love.

      Like

  4. Keith Haney June 14, 2016 / 5:50 pm

    What a thoughtful approach to communication. Marriage is a partnership, so you should love, respect and honor your partner.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kristianw84 June 22, 2016 / 6:03 pm

    Very wise advice! Thank you! My husband and I will be celebrating our 5th anniversary this coming October. We don’y usually have trouble communicating, but sometimes it’s easy to hurt one another, by not communicating. My husband battles with PTSD, and along with that comes depression, Most of the time he’s a big goof ball (One of the many things I love about him), and he seems happy on the exterior. I didn’t know just how much hurt and sadness he was feeling on the inside, until one day it all came to a head. My feeling got hurt, because I felt as his wife I wasn’t doing a good job at keeping him happy. He explained to me, that it wasn’t me at all, he’s 110% satisfied with our relationship, but there are certain things he struggles with, and he didn’t want to discuss all of them with me or anyone, we have now gotten past that, and he has learned that he needs to communicate how he is feeling with me, so that it doesn’t get out of hand. Even if he’s not comfortable talking about exactly what is bothering him at that moment, he can at least say “Babe, I’m not having a very good day. today.” It’s also nice because we know each other’s “Love Language.” So I know when he says X he needs some us time, and if he says y, that he just needs some time to himself to process things, but he always comes around when he’s ready to talk. 🙂 Communication is definitely key for a strong marital relationship. Thank you again for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • VictorsCorner June 22, 2016 / 6:37 pm

      You are welcome Kristian and thank you for commenting.

      Let me cease this chance to wish you and your husband a happy 5th wedding anniversary in advance. More marital bliss ahead for you both!

      Thank you for sharing about your family. From what you said, one can see good understanding and communication between you and your spouse. So I would say keep the flag flying.
      Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

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