In the first post on the towards a better marriage series, it was acknowledged that problems do arise in marriages. But it was also stated that your spouse is not the problem and so he/she should not be seen as one.
In other words, you should not blame your spouse when things go wrong in your marriage. Rather, you should identify exactly what the issue is and tackle it. That way you will achieve a healthier resolution than blaming your spouse.
In this post we will continue the series by presenting six simple reasons it is not good to blame your spouse when marital challenges hit your union:
1. When you blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong in your marriage, you paint the false picture that you are perfect.
No body is perfect, not even you. You cannot honestly claim that you have never contributed to the challenges both of you may have been facing. If that’s correct, where then is the moral justification for blaming your spouse?
Be aware that for each finger of accusation you point against your spouse, you have four others pointing towards you as well. In other words, you are equally guilty, if not more.
2. You hurt your spouse’s feelings when you hip the blame on him/her every time, without taking any responsibility yourself.
A hip of blame is not piece of cake and a cup of tea, so don’t expect your spouse to take it with delight. Your spouse doesn’t enjoy being blamed for everything that goes wrong in your marriage. Stop pushing it…
If you stop blaming your spouse, you have found one less way of hurting him/her. Isn’t that a good thing?
3. You risk being resented by your spouse if you continue the blame game.
No matter how you look at it, you will see that it is not good to keep playing the blame game in your marriage. Realise that if you blame your spouse long enough, he/she will begin to resent you, pushing both of you apart.
Prolonged resentment will cause emotional detachment and then physical separation or divorce, which I hopefully think is not what you want.
4. As you already know, you will not be able to build a happy and healthy relationship with anyone if you blame or resent him/her a lot.
If you want to build a very good relationship with your spouse, throwing blames at him/her is one of the ways you cannot achieve that goal. Good rapport will not be built on the altar of fault-finding, finger-pointing and venom-pouring
People naturally do not warm up to those who harshly criticise them. Your spouse is not an exception to this, so don’t even dare!
Bear in mind that your spouse too deserves to see your good part. You are not showing him/her that good part if you are regularly blaming him/her for everything that goes wrong between you both.
5. Blaming yours spouse does not solve the problem in your marriage.
Blaming your spouse may help you feel better temporarily, but it doesn’t take away the root-problem in your marriage. It is better to ask ‘what’ the problem is than ‘who’ the problem is.
Fixing blame (on your spouse) is not the same thing as fixing the problem on ground. In fact, the problem will continue to fester while you are playing the blame game. Rather than fixing blames on your spouse, a wiser thing to do is to find out and focus on what the issue is; identify it and deal with it.
6. Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.
Finally, remember the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would want to be done unto you.” It applies in marriage too. I know it is easier said than done. But it is a principle that works out good things in the end, whether it is in a friendship or marriage relationship or any other kind of human relationships for that matter.
Think about it for a minute: you don’t want to be blamed for whatever issues you face in your marriage. So why blame your spouse for it all the time and expect him/her to feel good about it?
Let’s interact more; please leave a word or two in the comment section.
Still ahead: Towards A Better Marriage 3: Accept the person you married as the will of God for you.
Copyright 2016-Victor Uyanwanne