Welcome to the third post in the towards a better marriage series. In the introductory post, we talked about the fact that problems are inevitable in marriage. But it was also pointed out that your spouse is not the problem personified.
If you see your spouse as the problem in your marriage, you will end up blaming him/her anytime anything goes wrong in the relationship.
The blame-game is not a pleasant game to engage in. It leads to resentment.
That led us to the second post in the series: 6 Simple Reasons You Should Not Blame Your Spouse.
We saw that blaming your spouse does not solve the problem in your marriage; neither does it promote a healthy relationship between you both.
Two Types of Spouses in the World
There are two types of spouses in the world:
- those who are convinced that they made the right choice of marriage partners; and
- those who are not convinced that they chose the right person.
Congratulations to you if you belong to the remarkable first category! Even if you belong to the latter group, you don’t have to panic or give up on your marriage. Trust me, there is still hope for you.
Irrespective of the circumstances surrounding your marriage, it is my hope that you will eventually get to the point where you will completely and wholeheartedly accept the person you got married to as your own Mr/Mrs Right.
Once you have properly married, it is self-deception to still be thinking that your Mr/Mrs Right is out there. No, he/she is not out there anymore, because I know where he/she is: in your house, in your life. Stop looking elsewhere!
Accept Your Spouse As Your Mr/Mrs Right
In this post, I will push further on the journey towards a better marriage experience. I will do that by suggesting that you have to convince yourself that you have married the right person, even if you have ‘reasons’ to feel that you married the ‘wrong’ person. Please take of the words “convince yourself…”
This assertion is based on the twin premises that you are in a committed marriage and it is your goal to see things work out better between you and your spouse.
Is it achievable? I bet it is – with your cooperation of course! Come to think of it, it is really not fair to tell your spouse you made a mistake in marrying him/her.
You shouldn’t be thinking or saying such, except you want your union to hit the rocks soon. You know I love you too much to wish that for you.
For instance, I have been married for five years now. I would with all modesty say that I have no regrets marrying my wife.
She is not perfect, neither am I… But one reason for that high feeling of assuredness is that I accepted her completely as the will of God in marriage for me. I know that if you ask her, she would say the same thing about me too. (I already shared about this in details in the post How I met my wife).
Just for the sake of argument, what if I told my wife she was the greatest mistake of my life? Would she be happy to hear that? Do you think that would make our marriage work out better? I guess you don’t think so.
On the other hand, what if she is the one that wakes up tomorrow and tells me she regrets marrying me? I don’t want to begin to imagine how devastating that would be to us and our union. Surely I would be sad and disappointed, to say the least!
What does that tell you my friend? It shows that you are calling for trouble if you fail to accept the person you married as your own Mr/Mrs Right – especially if you are the type that takes every opportunity you get to tell your spouse that you made a big mistake in marrying him/her.
Let’s face it, it is not good news in your spouse’s ears if you keep telling him/her you made a mistake in marrying him/her. Unfortunately, some people are living in that awful state of not having accepted their spouses as the right person.
Why did I say so? Because of
Some wrong things you say to your spouse
- Marrying you was the greatest mistake of my life.
- I shouldn’t have married you.
- I was drunk the day I accepted to marry you.
- You are a devil.
- I regret marrying you.
- I curse the day I married you.
- I was deceived into marrying you.
- Given a second chance, I wouldn’t marry you again.
- I am just stuck with you.
- Our marriage will never work…
If you are one of those who use any of the above sentences on your spouse, you have to stop it except you want to completely destroy your marriage. In fact, you should give your spouse an unreserved apology and make a very firm promise that you would never say such thing any longer.
Whomever you got married to has become the right person for you
For the sake of emphasis, I will say it again: once you are married, your partner is automatically your Mr/Mrs Right. Accept him/her that way – whether you feel like it or not.
A reputable international radio and TV preacher I admire so much once said, “I don’t know if you married the right person for you or not. But I know that whomever you got married to has become the right person.”
I wish every married couple would appreciate and live by the spirit of that statement. Otherwise, much crisis in the union would be inevitable.
What do you think of spouses who think they married the wrong person? Let the interaction begin in the comment section.
Still ahead: Towards a Better Marriage 4: Five Dire Consequences of not accepting your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right.
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