In a Nigerian online forum, I joined in an interesting conversation initiated by a young man who got a lady pregnant out of wedlock. He and his partner were contemplating having an abortion but had not made up their minds about it. The man decided to seek useful advice from members of the forum.
“I have an issue bugging me and I need some serious advice because I have been very indecisive so far.
There is a lady I’m seeing. She came to my place a few weeks ago and we had sex, first with condoms and later without condoms… A few weeks later, she called to say she is pregnant [although I gave her money to buy a popular contraceptive drug]…
At this moment, we are considering removing the baby. While I have been very indecisive, she has agreed to go with whatever decision I take and has spoken to a doctor who will do [the abortion].
However, I am unsure as of this moment if I want to go on with this because even though I am done with [schooling], I do not think I have gotten to that point where I can shoulder more responsibilities… And I really do not know who to turn to when I am unable to provide for the both of them.
What do you guys think? Do I go on with this or just let the baby be?”
There goes the big question! Now lets talk about the answers.
As expected, a number of people commented to advise the young man. The pieces of advice came in different shades and colours. But they can be distilled into two:
- Those who said the guy should carry on with the abortion plan; and
- Those who advised against having an abortion.
In this post, I’m interested in the latter group. The reason is simple: Long time readers of this blog will have noticed that I’m pro-life.
I do not support killing an innocent baby in the guise of abortion. If you have the time you can see my related posts:
Without wasting more time, let’s dive into some of the pro-life responses given to the young man. (The comments have not been edited except for typos and for grammatical cohesion. And the subtitles were added for ease of navigation):
Gifts from God
“Don’t remove the baby, children are gifts from God. God will provide what you will use to take care of them.”
Don’t make another mistake
“Sex without marriage is the first mistake. (Please I’m not judging). Unwanted pregnancy is the second mistake (a consequent of the first). Killing the baby in the name of abortion is the third and worst mistake.
My advice: don’t kill the baby in the name of abortion. (Abortion is murder).
PS.Think of Ronaldo… his mum wanted to abort him but failed. See what CR became today in the world of football? You have no idea what your baby on the way will become in this world.”
Don’t be selfish
“Don’t go and kill a human being for selfish reasons. Have that baby – you all will survive.“
Think of the consequences
“No, don’t have an abortion. There are consequences.“
Reward for your risk
“No risk no reward. You took the risk by engaging her carnally, now your reward is the baby.
Kindly accept your baby with open arms. If the girl dies during the abortion, you will have double murder in your hands.
Instead go pay her bride price and start planning your life.”
It’s a matter of conscience
“Don’t you have a conscience? You had better not abort anything, else God and I will be angry with you.
When they said sex is for married couples you said no, and now you want to abort. Don’t try it at all if truly your conscience is still intact.
She can stay in her parents’ house while you carter for the baby…just imagine the poor innocent child…”
Take your responsibility joyfully
“No! Don’t do it!
Fornication is already one Iniquity!
Don’t add Murder to it!
Abortion is Murder!
You are a Murderer if you do it.
Seek for GOD’s Mercy for the sin committed and Joyfully take up your responsibility”
Give your life to Christ
“Don’t be involved in killing a soul. First find out if the baby belongs to you then, pray for God to make a way for you to take care of the baby.
Repent of your sin also and give your life to Christ and stop committing premarital sex.“
The new gold mine
“Life is full of ups and downs. Keep the baby and plan for its arrival in the next eight months.
Let your girlfriend get busy with something to support the new family. Food is the new gold mine.”
Your joy will come later
“Please let that baby be, don’t tamper with it.
Your age doesn’t matter, your financial status is secondary. Even when you decide to marry, believe me, you will still not be ready to take care of three people.
The joy of having a baby comes after you have seen your baby. You won’t even know how God will be doing it. Mr. man, keep that baby.”
Carry your cross
“The worst sin is shedding innocent blood… You knew you were not capable, then why were you engaging in sexual immorality? …
This is your fate and you must carry your cross… Marry that girl and face problems in future, I hope you will be smart to choose wisely.”
Yet to recover from the guilt
“Please don’t [have an abortion]. I did it and I’ve not recovered from the guilt. You will not, for life.”
God Almighty has a way of providing that nobody can ever imagine. Marry your wife and keep your first child. Wishing you joy of God.“
Those were direct advice from pro-lifers who joined in the conversation. Some of their words may appear a bit harsh on the young man’s feeling… But not everyone chose a direct word of advice approach; there were those who shared personal stories for the seeker to draw his lessons.
As one wise man said, it is good to learn from one’s experience but it is better to learn from other people’s experiences.
So what follows are:
Answers to the abortion questions from real life stories
Some readers shared their personal experiences on the issue of abortion as a way to advise the young man:
The best decision ever
“My dear, what I always tell people is that as long as God can care for the birds in the air how much more [us] that He created in His image and likeness. It’s not going to be easy if the funds are not available but you’ll scale through…
Let me tell you about my experience. I got pregnant [despite being on contraception] while in the University. It’s not something I’m proud of but it happened. My boyfriend then, now my husband, was also a second year student just like me.
We were both confused, the viable option was to get rid of the pregnancy but I said “NO” I’d rather drop out of school than get rid of the baby. Thankfully he stood by me. I gave birth to my son in my third year in the University.
It wasn’t easy but God saw us through. Keeping the baby is one of the best decision I’ve ever taken.”
A wise doctor’s counsel
“Let me tell you a true story. There is this female colleague-friend I have. She got pregnant for her then boyfriend whom she never wanted to marry.
She travelled from Lagos to a coded hospital in Ibadan to remove the pregnancy without the boyfriend’s consent. The doctor there instead of helping her asked her if she saw the patients in the reception. When she affirmed, he told her that they were all there for fertility treatments and begged her not to remove the child.
She eventually agreed, delivered the child and agreed to marry her boyfriend. The marriage has been 15 years since and they have not had another child despite trying. This boy just got accepted into a top football academy in the UK.
I will not advise you but I really hope you get the moral of the story.”
Facing a childless future
“Leave the baby and let it grow, even if you’re not going to marry the girl eventually. That might be your only child in life… same with the lady.
I know of a lady who happened to be my wife’s best friend back in the days. They graduated from school same year but read different courses.
This girl had a boyfriend schooling… In short, this guy slept with her. She was even a virgin. Some weeks later, she missed her period. She couldn’t tell her parents and the guy was blaming her for allowing pregnancy to occur.
He advised her to abort the pregnancy which she did. Since the lady got married to another guy, she’s not been pregnant. The senseless guy too got married elsewhere to another girl and till now, his wife is still waiting.
Guys, if you know you are not ready to father a child, do not touch that girl because there’s an unseen bond backing it. If you break that bond by encouraging an abortion, both of you may be childless forever because the child may never come when you’re ready for it.”
No doctor agreed to do the abortion
“My brother, those telling you to abort this baby are youths or people that have not come up with troubles this could result in life.
…I had a similar experience sometime in 2009. I impregnated my girlfriend when I was not ready for marriage. We decided to remove it, went to many hospitals but none could accept to do it.
Then one doctor advised us to keep the baby. Today not only that the baby (boy) is eleven years, God blessed me beyond my imaginations to take care of him and others following him. Keep the baby for you never know what he/she may become tomorrow.“
“Believe me, if you have conscience, you will never find peace in life after you kill that angel.
I was faced with similar situation in 2019. I was poorly paid, I had my sister feeding on me, [living] in a tiny apartment.
I [worried], I cried, and I prayed.
My woman was ready to support my decision. By Gods grace, our king stayed with us, and was birthed last June.
Ever since I decided to keep that child, it has been breakthrough [upon breakthrough]. In 2 months I was able to perform the marital rights, got a [bigger apartment] for my new family and left the [previous one] for my sis[ter].
Two months later, I lost my job without one month pay. But same month I got a job that paid 4x higher in the same organization but at a different branch.
Today I am much better. That child will bring you glory.”
The final decision made by the seeker
I know what a long list of advice you had to go through. And I’m sure you would like to know whether or not the guy in question agreed to keep the baby, and not abort it, after receiving all these warnings or advice.
If your answer is yes, I have good news for you because he did. He didn’t take the abortion option. How did I know? He came back to the conversation thread with the following words:
“I’m posting this to say a big Thank You to everyone who took their time to comment on this. That includes those who advised me to keep it and those who advised me to remove it.
Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have believed it if anyone had told me I would ever find myself in this situation. Or that I would have a child before marriage. Or that I would have a child this year.
But it has happened anyway, or rather, is already happening. I actually planned to keep the child at the time I posted this but I needed some more reasons on why I should keep it and I saw many here.
On Wednesday evening (the same day I posted this), I spoke with my woman and told her I was going to keep it. I reaffirmed my stand on Thursday and again, today, when I visited her and took her for some tests. So, we will be keeping it.
Lastly, I wanted to delete this profile after posting this but I will let it be so I can post pictures of the baby after birth.
Thanks a lot to you all once again.”
Some take aways…
- Unwanted pregnancy can still result from sex outside wedlock even though you use protection and contraceptives. The case we just examined spoke too loud not to have been heard.
- The only sure way to avoid unwanted pregnancy is to avoid premarital sex. If you are a single Christian, this is the minimum standard set for you.
- Even if you find yourself faced with unwanted pregnancy, don’t take the abortion option. Be pro-life, have the baby.
- Agree or not, abortion has consequences. Be wise, and learn from other people’s experiences.
- Abortion may be rampant around you but not everyone supports it.
- There are many doctors too who don’t support abortion.
- In case you are undecided, be reminded that as a Christian, you should be pro-life. Condemn abortion but show mercy and grace if you come across someone with unwanted pregnancy.
Enough has been said already. Let the conversation continue in the comment section. Let me know what you think.