3 Kinds of Communication That Destroy Marriages

Silence communication, negative Communication and Inadequate Communication.

Good communication is a vital ingredient in building a happy and healthy marriage. Without it, unhappiness and conflict in the home will be a common experience.

As someone said, communication is the lifeblood of any marriage. But it must added that such communication has to be positive, constructive and productive.

Truth be told, some communications can drain the life out of any healthy relationship. In this post, we will examine some forms of such communication that are not so healthy to engage in marriage.

If good communication improves the health of marriage, then obviously, bad communication destroys it. Nothing less than wholesome, intentional, positive and productive communication should be promoted within a loving marriage relationship.

All the same, there are spouses who may be inadvertently  involved in improper communications with each other. It is my belief that being aware of these kinds of communication that destroy marriages will help you not to engage in them so that the happiness and health of your marriage will be protected.

To that extent, I present to you 3 kinds of communication that may destroy your marriage, with the hope that you will learn not to engage in them:

  • Silence communication
  • Inadequatee communication
  • Negative communication

Let us now take a closer​ look at each of the stated types of communications:

1. Silence communication

On the surface, it would appear that “silence communication” as being used here is an oxymoron, contradicting in terms. But it is not – especially if you think of it in terms of nonverbal communications.

Silence in itself is not the total absence of communication. But it is a form of communication as well.

Through the use of words, you do communicate in any relationship. But you can sometimes do the same without necessarily using words – by the use of silence. That’s why they say, for instance, that “silence means consent.”

In marriage however, silence may not always mean consent, pleasure or happiness; it can mean discontentment, unhappiness, disapproval, indifference, ignorance, bruised ego, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, displeasure, concealed anger, etc.

But the fact still remains that even when you keep silent, you are still communicating something. The question then will be whether or not your silence is serving the proper purpose.

Sadly, “silence communication” can result in miscommunication and misunderstanding.

3 types of Communication that destroy Marriage

It is true that silence may be desirable at times, especially when you need to douse some apparent tensions. But do not allow prolonged silence communication to fester between you and your spouse, neither should you subject your partner to the so-called “silent treatment.” Such will not augur well for the health of your beautiful marriage.

Whenever you notice unwholesome silence communication in your relationship, be the one to break the ice  (in a positive way). This is because continuous silence communication between you and your spouse will have a negative effect on the health of your marriage. Therefore, use “silence communication” wisely.

2. Inadequate communications

Understand that inadequate communication is poor communication whether in marriage or outside of it. Poor communication will in turn result in poor understanding and ultimately in conflict and misunderstanding. And persistent conflict between you and your spouse is not good for the health of your marriage.

Have you ever felt that your partner is not open to discussing​ all issues with you? Or you know he or she is deliberately withholding vital information from you? If your answer is yes,  then you may be experiencing inadequate communication in your marriage.

It is also inadequate communication if your spouse can use more information than you are willing and open to communicate with him or her. What that means is that you are withholding information from your partner without his or her consent. And that’s not right. If your spouse is the one withholding information from you, it is also not right.

More often than not, inadequate communication can result in serious misunderstanding​ between you both, and consequently to unhealthy conflict that puts the union at risk.

In marriage you should be free to talk about anything and everything with your spouse. Such communication should be proactive, intentional, regular and adequate.

3. Negative communication

Ever heard​ the saying that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing?” That shows that it may be more beneficial sometimes to maintain silence than to say unpalatable things – to your spouse, for example.

Well, while not encouraging silence communication in marriage, it is better to avoid negative communication all together. Negative communications will produce negative effects.

Negative communication such as uncomplimentary remarks about your spouse and unending doses of unconstructive criticisms will not improve the good-health of your marriage. Your spouse may feel disrespected or unvalued if your communication always come across to them as negative. On the other hand, you will come across as caring, loving, friendly and considerate if your communications are always positive.

If you communicate negatively with your spouse long enough, he or she will begin to resent you, leading to emotional disconnection between you both. There is no future for any marriage where the partners do not share a strong intimate emotional bonding.

We will then conclude that silence communication is not good. Inadequate communication is not good enough. And negative communication is not good at all.

Your marriage will be negatively affected if you engage in any of the above communications long enough. Therefore, it is better to avoid these kinds of communication that destroy marriages.

What other kinds of communications do you think can destroy a marriage?


©Copyright 2017 | Victor Uyanwanne

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16 Powerful Benefits of Asking Questions You Should Know

Written by Victor Uyanwanne

16 powerful benefits of asking questions

Leaders ask questions. Followers too need to ask the right questions to move ahead.

Whoever you are, everyone should develop the habit of asking the right questions. Whatever position or occupation you may find yourself in, there are appropriate questions you should ask to get the clearest pictures of things or about people.

The essence of asking questions is to get answers. If you don’t have the answers you need, then you should ask the questions you have. There are some things you may never know or understand, except you ask the right questions.

Let me ask you: Are you ashamed or afraid to ask questions? You shouldn’t be!

A Chinese proverb I came across reads: He who asks questions remains a fool for five minutes. He who does not ask questions remains a fool forever.

There are many things you stand to gain if you will dare to ask the right questions.

Here are 16 powerful benefits of asking questions you should know:

  1. Assists to clarify your thoughts – Asking questions will help you to clarify your thoughts and those of others too. If someone says something to you and you don’t understand it, it is more honourable to ask questions for more clarifications than to make unsafe assumptions.
  1. Helps to elicit interest from your audience – Don’t you know a few people who won’t talk to you until you ask them questions? You can use questions to break the ice! On many occasions, I have used questions to start conversations with people I met for the first time. It works with me!
  1. Demonstrates your interest in other people/things – who/what you ask questions about reveals whom/what you are interested in. The questions you ask reveal what matters to you. The questions you don’t ask but you should ask also communicate some things about you.
  1. Clears or reduces your doubts – You can sometimes deal with your suspicions and doubts by asking the right questions. If you get the right answers to your questions, they will either dispel or validate your doubts.
  1. Improves your knowledge – Naturally, questions can be used in the quest for knowledge. What you don’t know that you should have known is probably what you haven’t asked about. You can ask Google if you are afraid to ask people.
  1. Enhances your understanding – If you don’t understand something, ask questions until you grasp it well enough. I used to have a very funny teacher that would tell the class: If you don’t ask any question, that means you understood everything I thought you today. Otherwise, ask now!
  1. Enhances your communication skills – communication is not complete until there is an understanding and feedback. Asking relevant questions will help you to achieve better understanding of any subject matter in discourse.
  1. Enhances trust – Asking the right questions and getting appropriate responses may promote good communication and friendly communication builds trust. You need trust to build any meaningful relationships.

Are you asking the right questions?

  1. Helps you to solidify relationships – As trust level increases through the good answers you get to your questions, the cord of good relationship toughens.
  1. Tool for sifting information – Asking the right questions helps you separate relevant information from irrelevant ones. Not all information you get are useable. You can use questions to separate the grains from the chaff.
  1. Promotes better decision making – Good information is the heart of a good decision making process. The answers you get from asking questions will affect the quality of the decisions you make.
  1. Saves time and other resources. Have you ever tried to locate something or some place on your own for hours without finding it? And then you decided to ask someone about it and you got immediate help that showed you what you were looking for? Imagine the amount of time you would have saved if you had asked the question ab ni tio!
  1. Removes or reduces prejudices – If you ask the right questions and you get the right answers, you will soon get to discover that there is no need to hang on to some previously held misconceptions about some things and especially about some people.
  1. Promotes personal confidence – Believe it or not, your ability to ask the right questions is a kind of pointer to your level of confidence. Confident people ask questions. Don’t wait to boost your confidence before you begin to ask questions. Boost your level of confidence by asking questions.
  1. Clarifies direction – “He who asks questions never misses his way,” so says an African proverb. If you don’t know where you are going, ask questions to get the needed direction.
  1. Enhances your personal effectiveness – Knowing what to do and achieving results thereon could partly be a function of the questions you ask and the answers you get. What you don’t know, ask! Once you know, act!

Have you ever gained any benefits from asking questions? Please share your experience in the comment section.

P.S. Adapted from a previous post on this blog: YOU NEED TO ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS, THIS IS WHY