Two Antidotes To Divorce Hidden Away In Malachi

God instituted marriage for our enjoyment and His will for us is to have it as a life-long union. That’s why we say, “till death do us part” at the point of entering the marriage contract.

You will agree with me that because we live in an imperfect world does not make divorce the perfect solution to marital crisis.

Is divorce in marriage inevitable? No! Is it avoidable? Yes!

Can we know what to do to avoid divorce? Yes! Gratefully we have some clues in the Bible.

In the book of Malachi, we have some suggestions. (Malachi is the last book of the Old Testament Bible). If you are like me, the book may not be your favourite part of the Scriptures.

However, in it are some great treasures worth digging up for our earthly use. For instance in chapter two, we read the following words (NKJV):

1But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

1“For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”

In excavating the gems in these two verses, we had already talked about the assertion by the prophet that God hates divorce and also followed up with the reasons God hates divorce. Let us go further by looking at the recommended antidote to divorce in that passage.

In case you missed it, just reread the last two lines of verse 15 and 16:

Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”

There you have them stated clearly and repeated for emphasis sake.

I like the way the New Living Translation puts those words:

So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, ” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife” (Emphasis mine).

No need to over-flog it. The antidotes to divorce according to Malachi are:

  1. Guarding your heart against it
  2. Being faithful to your spouse.

Whatever does he mean? In subsequent posts, we will explore those points further . For now, let the conversation continue in the comment section.

Thank you.

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Why Does God Hate Divorce?

… Without a doubt, divorce was the worst season of my life. Nothing I’ve suffered since that time even comes close… absolutely nothing compares to the horrific pain of having a spouse decide, “I Don’t” after saying “I Do” Laura Petherbridge.

divorce

In a previous post, we talked about the fact that God hates divorce. The natural question that would be precipitated by that statement will be:

Why does God hate divorce?

First and foremost, we all know that hate is a strong language, meaning “an intense dislike for.”

On the other hand, Divorce connotes  “the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body.”

God says He hates divorce, meaning He has an intense dislike for it.

There must be some good reasons God does not like divorce. And those reasons are what this post seeks to explore.

If you ask me, I would say God hates divorce chiefly because He loves us and wants the best for us. He doesn’t want us to go through the pains, regrets and difficulties divorce action might occasion.

God loves us enough to inform us that He hates for us to subject our spouses to divorce. We all know that if you truly love someone, you wouldn’t want something bad to happen to him or her. Don’t you think God feels that much sympathetic towards us?

I guess you too have your reasons you think God says He hates divorce. (And I would like it if you would drop your views in the comment section of this post). For now let’s focus on what we can glean from the foundation scripture for this post and the previous one.

Malachi 2:15-16 – Let’s read it together:

15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.[b] And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce!”[c] says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,[d]” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife” (NLT).

Based on this passage, let’s now explore further reasons God hates divorce:

1. God instituted marriage.

“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife?” asked Prophet Malachi.

God has made you one with the person you are married to. So why do you seek to be separated from him or her forever?

God instituted marriage for our enjoyment and His will for us is to have it as a life-long union. That’s why we say, “till death do us part” at the point of entering the marriage contract.

It is safe to say that divorce undermines the sanctity of this holy institution of marriage established by God. Therefore God hates divorce.

divorce-separation-marriage-breakup-split-39483

2. God has a purpose for instituting marriage.

God did not only institute marriage, He had a purpose for doing so. The prophet here tells us that God seeks godly children (one translation uses the word “offsprings”) from our marriages.

“… And what does he want? Godly children from your union… Remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”

In order words, God expects our marital unions to bear godly seeds, godly fruits or godly results. You will agree with me that divorce will not qualify as a godly fruit.

Secondly, God also wants married couples to demonstrate loyalty to each other through thick and thin. And divorce flatly defeats that purpose.

3. Divorce has consequences

“To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,[d]” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.

Wow, did you see that point in that verse you just read? Divorce is cruelty to your spouse. Another translation describes it as treachery.

Many people may disagree with that, but I know God’s word cannot be wrong. God would rather not have you go through the pains associated with divorce.

He hates it for you to bring divorce upon yourself or upon your spouse. He would rather have you shut the door on divorce…

Whatever you think, divorce will cost you – be it emotionally, financially or otherwise. Apart from the couple involved, other associated parties (including your children and other loved ones) also suffer when marriage fails and results in divorce. Divorce will cause you pains, anguish, depression and the like.

As Laura Petherbridge observed from her own experience, “…divorce was the worst season of my life. Nothing I’ve suffered since that time even comes close… absolutely nothing compares to the horrific pain of having a spouse decide, “I Don’t” after saying “I Do.””

***

What’s your own view about why God hates divorce?


©Copyright 2019 | Victor Uyanwanne

“I Hate Divorce” – God

“I hate divorce.”

As you may have noticed, those are not my words. They are God’s, as recorded in the Bible.You will read it directly yourself shortly.

When you hate something, you have intense dislike for that thing. I guess that’s how God feels over some of the things we humans do.

For instance, the writer of the book of Proverbs tells us about seven things God hates (6:16-19):

  1. Haughty eyes (a proud look).
  2. A lying tongue.
  3. Hands that shed innocent blood.
  4. A heart that devises wicked schemes.
  5. Feet that are quick to rush into evil.
  6. A false witness who pours out lies.
  7. And a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

If God hates the above things, it means He has intense dislike for them and He is not pleased whenever we engage in any of them. But that doesn’t mean He would stop loving us.

God’s love for us is without end; We can be sure that even if we are not perfect, He still loves us anyways.

One more thing God hates

There is one more thing we are told that God hates: divorce. And that is the focus of this post.

Divorce, “the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body,” – God says He hates it. In Malachi 2:16(NLT), we read the following words:

For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, ” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

In the preceding verse (15), we were given some hints on why God hates divorce. The prophet Malachi communicated that to us in rhetoric:

“Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”

If you read verses 15 and 16 together, the picture comes out even better. Although the emphasis is on men who divorce their wives, the warning would equally be applied to wives who divorce their husbands.

For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, ” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

In the days when Malachi wrote those words, the men were more likely to put away their wives than wives would their husbands. But in our day, it can go either ways.

In any case, the message is clear: God hates divorce.

Having said that, I am also aware that divorce is common place in the world we live in today. But that doesn’t make it right, neither does it stop God from hating it.

If you are contemplating divorce, you may want to reconsider. Before you think of divorce, think about your children.

No marriage is irredeemable, provided you are giving your best to make your marriage work.

And if your marriage is already broken and you are reading this, note that I do not mean to condemn you in any way. If I did, I would be playing God, which I’m not.

We are just talking about God’s perfect purpose for marriage: to be united as one till the end of their lives, because he hates divorce.

That is to say, God intended for a married couple (a male and a female) to be committed to each other in a lifelong loving relationship, reflecting God’s eternal love and commitment to us His people.

Is that an impossible task to achieve? I don’t think so!

***

You have read my thoughts. Share yours in the comment section.


©Copyright 2019 | Victor Uyanwanne

Adultery Will Cost You!

Fidelity in marriage

Marriage is a special institution established by God for His glory and for the enjoyment of mankind. And we are expected to treat the institution honourably.

Unfortunately, many people have been dishonouring their marriages by not protecting the sanctity of the marital unions as necessary.

Part of the requirements for safeguarding the sanctity of marriage is marital fidelity.

I do not mean to suggest that fidelity in marriage guarantees that a marriage will be happy and successful. But I can state categorically that marital infidelity is a sure way to destroy a marriage or make it fail.

It is required that in marriage, spouses should be faithful to their partners with their bodies. But what do we see sometimes amongst married people?

Adultery – willful sexual relationship with someone else other than your spouse!

Adultery is a grievous sin first before God and then before your marriage partner. Yet, some people engage in it without caring about the consequences.

Beyond the seeming pleasure derived from adultery, alot of pain is caused by it.

Anyone who commits adultery is playing with fire, and should not be surprised if the fire consumes him or her.

Here is a question from someone who seriously contemplated the danger of adultery:

Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Proverbs 6:27

The answer is no! You cannot put the fire of adultery on your lap and expect not to get hurt!

Marital infidelity

Here are additional warning against adultery from the book of Proverbs (NLT):

26 For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, but sleeping with another man’s wife will cost you your life

28 Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? 29 So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished…

32 But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself (Emphasis mine).

As a follower of God, you will have known from the Bible that adultery is a serious sin, with eternal implications…

But beyond that, no one will deny that adultery has terrible consequences to the perpetrators and to the people along their paths.

Adultery damages nearly every relationship around it, including the extended family. Forgetting the goodness and mercy of God by giving in to immediate impulse and physical passion brings self-inflicted consequences to the body and soul… Ross Rhoads, Adultery – A Heartbreaking Sin

The following consequences might result from adultery:

  • Loss of reputation
  • Fear of being caught
  • Emotional pains
  • Divorce
  • Financial liability
  • Death
  • Sexually Transmitted Diseases
  • Unwanted pregnancy/Child
  • Distrust
  • Guilt
  • Loss of job, etc.

Talking about loss of job, that was what happened recently to a university professor in Nigeria. He was dismissed by his employers over a confirmed allegation of sexual misconduct.

Earlier in the year, a recorded conversation between the professor in question and one of his female students went viral in the social media circle in the country.

On that leaked audio, the randy professor was caught on tape soliciting sex from the post-graduate student in exchange for pass marks.

Following the public outcry over the sex-for-mark scandal, the school authority launched an investigation into the allegation.

The preliminary investigation found the professor guilty of the allegation, prima facie, and this led to the accused professor being suspended. However, the professor was later sacked upon the conclusion of necessary investigations.

One reputable media source reported that the Professor “was found to be liable for all allegations of [sexual] misconduct levelled against him… This led to the dismissal of the academic from the services of the university, to serve as a deterrent to others.”

The guilty-as-charged professor was dismissed “to serve as a deterrent to others.”

The need for strict safeguards

That’s one of the reasons I’m writing this post as well. If you realise the inherent danger in committing adultery, you will guard against it.

As David Boehi noted in an article on adultery published on Family Life website, “…All of us [should] realize the need to set up strict safeguards to ensure that we are faithful in our marriage commitment[s]. If I am convinced of what adultery would do to me and to my family, I will watch my wandering eyes, guard my thought life, and avoid any situations that could put me in harm’s way.”

Here is my final advice: Think twice before you commit adultery because it will cost you!


What’s your perspective on the consequences of adultery?

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: 4 Interesting Things About The Royal Wedding

Prince Harry And Meghan Markle - at the altar

In an epoch-making ceremony, Prince Harry took his beautiful bride, Meghan Markle, to the altar to be his lawfully wedded wife.

The whole world stood at attention as the graceful royal event took place at St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle in London.

In many ways, the marriage between the two lovebirds has been described as a break from the norm; a royal wedding with a difference.

In this post I will talk about 4 interesting things about the couple.

Royal wedding

4 Interesting Things About The Royal Wedding Between Prince Harry And Meghan Markle

1. The couple loves each other very much.

The union between Price Harry and Meghan Markle is not a loveless union in any way as some royal marriages in the past might have been.

This one is a special marriage between two special people that specially love each other against all odds.

The love of the couple shone through every inch of the wedding ceremony. Meghan was particularly full of smiles as she pledged her marriage love and commitment to Prince Harry.

The sparks of love in her eyes were indescribable. And Prince Harry was like, “You look amazing. And I am so lucky to have you.”

I am sure the elegant Megan felt the same way too; they were visibly happy throughout the ceremony.

This couple followed their hearts, without minding what the world around them would think. They fell in love and stayed in love, standing before the Lord to be joined man and wife in holy matrimony.

From the year of our Lord 2016 when they reportedly first met each other, to this year 2018 when they walked down the isle, their love for each other stood strong, overcame many negative criticisms that arose against the royal union along the line.

The royal wedding

2. The couple met through a blind date.

It was reported in the media that Prince Harry met Megan Markle through a blind date orchestrated by a mutual friend of theirs.

Really?

Yes! Their first time meeting with each other was through a blind date.

Meghan confirmed it when she confessed in a BBC interview that the blind date… (Wait for it)… “was a set-up.”

Now we can all see the result; that “set-up’ was definitely a blind date with a difference; It worked out gradually but surely, leading to a grand royal union.

Before now, one would have thought that this kind of blind date only happens in movies. But here we are celebrating the strong love that developed from a blind date to friendship and then to marriage into royalty.

With this development, it looks like the next (even the present) generation of young people now have a veritable example of a blind date that worked for them to imitate.

But they should remember that they are not Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

Interracial marriage

3. Welcome the Biracial royal bride

As far as I know, never in the history of the British monarchy has there been a biracial bride amongst the wives of the men of their royalties. But with Meghan Markle coming into the fold, as wife of Prince Harry, a great history has been made.

In the words of Katie O’Malley, “…a mixed race woman has married into one of the whitest institutions in the UK…”

This is reality my friend!

It means that Prince Harry and Meghan have chatted a new course for mankind in matters of race relations on earth – in an unprecedented way.

As one media analyst pointed out, “Ten years ago, this would have been impossible.”

Yes, a decade ago, a marriage between a British royalty and a biracial woman wouldn’t have been possible. But it is now… And that’s progress for us humans!

When the first man landed on the Moon, it was dubbed, “one small step for a man but one giant leap for mankind.”

In the same vein, Prince Harry’s marriage to a biracial Meghan could be seen as a giant leap forward for mankind in the history of interracial relationships, not only in Britain but in many places around the world.

Meghan has now moved from being an American actress to Britain to being a royal bride with a difference.

And the good part is that many people love and adore her, calling her and Harry, “a perfect couple.”

Everyone that matters, especially Harry’s dad, Prince Charles and his grand mum, her royal majesty, Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, understandably approved of the union.

This is not to say that the couple didn’t initially face some persecutions from some sections of the public because of Megan’s racial background.

They did, but they overcame. Thanks to Prince Harry who stood firmly behind his gorgeous lady.

Royal wedding

4. The Divorcee Question

When in 2017 Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced their engagement, some questions arose about her previous relationships.

As it turned out, Meghan had been married before but the marriage did not work out between her and her then spouse. We now know the name of her ex husband as Trevor Engelson, a Hollywood television and film producer.

As at the time she met Prince Harry, Meghan was already officially divorced. But the ‘divorcee’ tag on Meghan did not dissuade Harry from marrying her.

In any case, Meghan’s failed marriage to Engelson is now in the past where it belongs. A new marriage chapter has now been opened between Prince Harry and her, not only as husband and wife but also as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

What is your take on the royal wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle?

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

Before You Divorce Your Spouse, Think Of Your Children

 

Many people know that divorce is very devastating. But some people will still end up walking that way. In the long run, it does more harm than good to the couples involved, to the children produced by the broken union and to the society in general.

No troubled marriage is irredeemable, especially yours, if you believe in God. With the cooperation of the couples involved, even the most hopeless marriage can be restored to health and happiness. Rather than taking the divorce option, couples who have marital challenges should find a way of working things out between them.

If you want your marriage to work, you will find a reason to stay in it. But if your mind is made up on filing for a divorce, you will also find a ‘good’ reason to do so. Whatever you want to do, you will find an excuse for it.

Recently, I suggested on this blog that couples who want to make their marriage work, should shut the door on divorce. As relatively unpopular as that advice was, it is not something I would want to change my mind on, neither should you if you are committed to the ideals of having a marriage that works.

One of the greatest joys of a marital union is the children produced in the marriage. Divorce is not one of the ways to increase that joy. On the contrary, divorce will limit the chances of happiness of the children from that union.

I cannot find a good reason to believe that children from divorced marriages make happier people in the society than children that grew into adulthood having parents who stayed together in their marital unions. Shouldn’t all children be given the benefit of having both of their parents in their lives together in the same union forever? In my opinion, they should because it is their right!

A broken marriage will cause emotional trauma for the children from the union and may have the ripple effect of setting them on the wrong courses in life. Can’t you make the necessary sacrifice to avoid that?

You cannot think of making a society work better, if you are not open to the idea of making your marriage work. The values you uphold in the society are often a reflection of the values you have established from home. A healthy marriage is a fertile ground for nurturing good moral values in children. And that’s what every child deserves!

I am not suggesting that your marriage must be perfect to be able to meet the mark. That will be asking for too much because neither you nor your spouse involved in the union are perfect in yourselves.  But the point has to be made that despite your perceived imperfections, you can still find the lasting glue that sticks you to each other, rather than grasping unto the divisive wedge that pushes you both apart.

Give or take, the santity of the union should not be jeopardised by either you or your spouse through divorce, at least for the sake of your children. You don’t want to cause heartache for yourselves as well as your kids.

As at the time I began to write this piece, a short remark which suggested that 80% of divorce suits are filed by woman, appeared on my twitter timeline. A further research into the claim showed that a different source puts it at a lower rate of 60%, while yet another source shoots it up to as high as 90% (amongst educated women).

Between men and woman, who is more likely to file for divorce?

Does that mean that women are the prime architects of divorce in marriages? It is not the purpose of this post to explore that question. But beyond the seemingly lobsided ratio of women to men who files for divorces, it would be instructive to know the real reason spouses file for divorce.

The Hidden Reason People Seek Divorce

There are many reasons a couple may seek divorce. Those reasons can come in different shades and colours: incompatibility, infidelity, broken trust, physical or emotional abuse, diminishing love, financial stress, etc. But the root of it all is selfishness.

That’s right! Selfishness – that excessive concern “for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of other” – is the main reason a spouse would file for divorce. Most marriages will work if selfishness is taken out from the hearts of the married couples. 

As I said earlier, if your mind is fixated on getting a divorce, you will often find a ‘suitable’ ground to do so. But before you serve the divorce papers to your spouse, please think of your children- the divine products of the marital union you are about to break up. (This assumes that you have children).

Reasons parents should consider their children before filing for divorce.

Why should you consider your children before you file for divorce? 

The answer to that question my friend, is the fundamental purpose of this post. In exploring that question further, first, I will like to draw from the lessons in the story of Gerty as recently published on Joseyphina’s World. (Thank you Joseyphina for your kind permission to use extracts from that story).

Second, I will then offer my own thoughts as well.

Enter the Story of Gerty

According to Joseyphina, Gerty’s “childhood was plagued by a nasty divorce between her parents.” The negative effect of the divorce on Gerty, loudly echoes the sentiments that inspired this post, namely, that many couples would give up the idea of divorce if they would spare some quality thoughts on the negative impact divorce will have on on their children.

How did Gerty’s Parents’ Divorce Affect Her?

1. Confusion caused by custody issues

Joseyphina tells us that Gerty “grew up confused about whom to love since as per the custody arrangement, she was to stay with her mother during school days and be with her father during the holidays.” In the process, “Each parent took any chance he/she got to badmouth the other to her.”

2. Automatic membership of Association of Children from broken homes.

Gerty became an unwilling statistic added to the children from broken homes association. As they say, “Birds of a feather flock together.”  Naturally, Gerty’s closest “friends also had divorced or separated parents.”

In school, Gerty and her friends “would spend their break time talking about what their parents told them about each other and how life sucked for them all.”

3. Lost of faith in marriage and procreation.

Because of her parents failed marriage, Gerty begins to feel there is no use for her to get married in future. “What is the use of falling in love, getting married, and then ending up getting divorced,” she wondered.

She even decided that if she eventually got married, she would not have children so as to avoid custody battles like it happened with her.

4. Burden of guilt

Gerty couldn’t be completely sure why her parents got divorced. But “a part of her felt that she was the reason behind it.” Right or wrong, Gerty goes about in life carrying this heavy burden of guilt of the divorce action of her parents.

5. Rendered an ‘Orphan’ unduly.

“Gerty later found herself as an orphan of some sorts when both parents remarried. She felt out of place in either one’s new matrimonial home. Both spouses gave her the ‘the issue out of divorce’ look. Both of them had found other people to love but she was the one who lost it all.” What a pity!

Do you want your children to experience the pains of their parents’ divorce like Gerty did? I hope not! That is why I am telling you to consider the wellbeing of your children before you yield to the temptation or pressure to file for divorce.


Concluding Thoughts

Child-raising is already a difficult job by itself. Divorce will make it more complicated. I know a single parent can raise children. But having both parents do it in the same marital union will make the job easier.

Divorce will devastate your children. As we said earlier, it can result to a lifelong emotional damage to them.

Children from broken homes are the most vulnerable to all sorts of ills in life: drug abuse, juvenile delinquency, sexual abuse, teenage pregnancy, depression, low self-esteem and so on. My dear reader, as much as it it depends on you, please save your children the pain, the burden or the guilt of divorce.

Your children deserve the love and care of both of their parents in the same marital union. Don’t deny them that right because of your selfish reasons by taking the option of divorce. Remember, if you can find an excuse to sue for divorce, you can also find a reason (your children, for instance) to stay in the marriage – and make it work.

What do you think?


©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne

Towards A Better Marriage 7: Shut The Door On Divorce

Reasons you should not divorce your spouse

In your marriage, many things can happen that may ‘push’ you to want a divorce from your partner. But it’s best not to take that option. Your present marriage can still work out better for you and your spouse. That has been part of the goals of the towards a better marriage series we began a few weeks back.

As we conclude this special series, I am going to have to say this: if you truly want to see your marriage work, you should shut the door on divorce. Before you call me insensitive because I said that, you should at least hear me out.

I am aware that saying “no to divorce” is not a very popular thing to say these days. We live in a world where it has become easier or more acceptable for couples to walk away from their matrimonial homes, even at the slightest provocations. Whatever happened to commitment in marriage? (This is not an attempt to undermine those that have critical, life-threatening marital issues).

Second, I do not mean to condemn you if you have taken the divorce option already – I am not in a position to do so. But I believe I am free to put in a word or two on why a committed couple that wants to make their marriage work should shut the door on divorce. What you are committed to, you don’t give up on.

If you haven’t left this page by now, it gives me the feeling that you are still open to the idea of doing whatever is necessary to making your marriage work, as opposed to taking the divorce route. Let’s take a look at a few reasons I suggest you should not end your marriage just like that:

1. No marriage is irredeemable, including yours.

Irrespective of where you are on your downhill decent towards marital oblivion, know that your marriage is not beyond redemption. It is possible you are experiencing many problems in your marriage right now. But that doesn’t mean you should walk away from your marital vows just like that. Don’t give up on your marriage because marriage has not given up on you.

If you believe in God, neither the problems you face currently, nor the ones you will face in future, are insurmountable. With God, nothing is impossible – including saving a troubled marriage like yours. With the right doses of commitment, attitude and help, you can find solution to any of your marital challenges.

Shut the door on divorce

2. Divorce is not the best way to resolve marital issues.
There are many ways of resolving marital conflicts. Divorce is definitely not the best option. These series towards a better marriage were purposed to offer tips on finding greater joy and fulfilment in your marriage. Walking out of your marriage is not an option we recommend here.

3. Think of the impact of the divorce on your children, if you have any.

Procreation is one of the basic reasons for marriage. God made it in such a way that it takes a male and a female to procreate. But procreation is not the end of the story; the task of raising the children is there too.

Child-raising is already a difficult job by itself. Divorce will make it more complicated. We are all familiar with media reports on cases of juvenile delinquencies. Children from broken homes are the most vulnerable to such.

Your children deserve the love and care of both of their parents in the same marital union. Don’t deny them that right because of your selfish reasons by taking the divorce option. If you can find an excuse to sue for divorce, you can also find a reason (your children, for instance) to stay in the marriage – and make it work.

4. Just like your current spouse, there is no all-round-perfect partner out there.

I know your spouse is not perfect, neither are you. Why do you want to get a divorce? Is it to get married to a ‘better’ person? You may get the rude shock of your life because one thing is sure: there is no perfect spouse out there!

The best spouse is the one you are married to, not the one you plan to get married to after a divorce. The grass may appear greener on the other side, but that is not the way it is. It is illusionary to think that should you divorce your spouse, you would be happier with another partner. Some people realise that mistake way too late.

5. If you take the option of divorce and then remarry, you are likely to take the same option a second time and even a third or more times.

Let me guess what you are thinking after reading that: Victor, you are taking it too far. I don’t want to argue with you on that. We already said that divorce is not the best solution to marital crisis. So why don’t you do your best and make your current marriage work?

Getting a divorce now is not a guarantee that you will get to the promised land of marital fulfilment with a new spouse. The natural question I should ask you then will be: if you remarry after divorce and it turns out the marriage fails to work again, will you stay put in it or go through another round of divorce? Are you glad adding to the increasing statistics of multiple divorces? If your answer is yes, then I am afraid you have no business reading this post in the first place!

6. God hates divorce.

Divorce is permissible but it is not God’s best for you. God loves you but He hates divorce.

If you are His child already, remember that with your cooperation God can restore or heal your troubled marriage – no matter the kind of problem you might be experiencing. He has done it for a good number of people who exercised their faith in Him. He will be glad to help you too. Even if you don’t have a personal relationship with God yet, you can start one with Him right now by responding to the open invitation He has given you already:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest

 Matthew 11:28.

You think you are carrying heavy burdens in your marriage? You can talk to God about it. He is waiting for you.

P.S: There is love in sharing. If you like this article, please share it with your friends via any of the media platforms below.

Thank you.

 

©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne

5 Dire Consequences of Not Accepting Your Spouse As your Mr/Mrs Right.

 

Your spouse is your Mr/Mrs Right

All your choices in life will either bring you rewards or consequences. Accepting your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right is a good choice you must make if you want your marriage to bring you rewards of happiness and success.

This is the fourth part of our Towards a Better Marriage journey. In the last post in the said series, we said to whomever you got married has become the right spouse for you. In other words, you should accept your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right. That way, you would be able to team up with him/her to resolve any marital challenges that may cross your path.

If you are in a committed marriage relationship and you are also committed to seeing the marriage work, then you must see the person you got married to as your Mr/Mrs Right. The constant thinking that you made the wrong choice in picking your marriage partner, will hinder  you from seeing many good things in your partner and in the marriage as well.

Eventually, if not properly handled, this may lead to unpalatable marriage experiences.

Here are five possible dire consequences of not accepting your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right:

  1. You will not be committed to the marriage

There is no hope of marital success for any couple without much commitment to their union. If you are not convinced that your spouse is the right partner you will not be able to make the necessary commitment that will make the marriage work.

Commitment is a vital key required to make your marriage work. Without it, nothing worth the while will be  achieved in the relationship. Without it, there is no future for the marriage.

  1. You will find it harder to love him/her.

Mutual love and understanding are important keys to marital survival! A marriage that is not founded on, and sustained by, love, will make the spouses miserable.

Needless to say, spouses should love each other. Accepting your spouse as the Mr/Mrs Right for you will make it easier for you to love him/her.

I am yet to see anyone who completely loves his/her mistakes.  It goes to show that if you think you made a mistake in marrying your spouse, you will not be able to love him/her as much as you should do. And without love, marriage will be less enjoyable.

  1. You will blame your spouse for every problem you encounter in the marriage.

Once you are totally convinced that you made the wrong choice in selecting your marriage partner, what would stop you from making him/her the scapegoat for whatever problems that crop up in your marriage? Nothing!

Remember we earlier advised that you should not blame your spouse when marital challenges surface between you both. You won’t be able to keep that humble piece of advice if you think you made a mistake in marrying him/her in the first place.

  1. You will become unhappy and miserable.

Marriage should bring you some level of happiness and fulfilment in life. But it will take cooperation from you as well as from your spouse to make that happen.

Remember the popular saying, “marriage should be enjoyed, not endured?” You will not be able to enjoy or feel happy about your marriage if you see your spouse as the wrong partner.

  1. You will eventually decide to opt out of the marriage.

The likelihood of divorce is higher in marriages where the spouses think they got married to the wrong persons as opposed to marriages with spouses who are convinced they chose the  right partners.

If you are not committed to your marriage enough, you don’t love your spouse as much as you should, you blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong and you are miserable in the union, how would you be able to escape the temptation to walk out of the marriage? The point is, if you have not convinced yourself that you have not made any mistake in marrying your spouse, you may end up divorcing him/her.

If you have not already done so, it is important you recognise your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right. Failure to do so may hinder you from having a beautiful marriage experience.

You have read my thoughts. Please share yours in the comment section.

 

Still ahead: Towards A Better Marriage 5: Give Your Best To Make The Marriage Work.

 

©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne