10 Things About A Humble Dad

I have been a dad only for a couple of years. And in these few years, I have come to realise that parenting is a great privilege and  a humbling responsibility as well.

“Anyone can be father, but it takes a special person to be a dad.”

Through its’ highs and lows as a dad, there are many lessons one can gradually learn about a dad and his children.  While it is one thing to be a dad, it is another thing to be a humble dad.

This post is about being a humble dad. I believe that becoming a humble dad will make you become a better dad. Therefore I present to you

10 things about a humble dad you should know

1. A humble dad apologises to his kids when he does something wrong to them.

2. A humble dad knows he does not understand every thing his children say, but he actively seeks to understand them more.

3. Only a humble dad will acknowledge that he does not know everything; there are things he can learn from his kids.

4. A humble dad knows​ that he is not perfect but he still strives to be the best he can be for his children.

5. A humble dad acknowledges that his children are indeed God’s heritage in his care and he treats them as such.

6. A humble dad knows that he cannot meet all the needs of his children without support from Above so he actively seeks the help of God through prayer.

7. A humble dad knows that his children are not perfect but he has to love them despite their imperfections.

8. A humble dad forgives his children all their wrongs because he too needs forgiveness from the Father above.

9. A humble dad values his time but he doesn’t mind spending valuable time with his children.

10. A humble dad knows that he is not just a father, he is also a teacher​ who should take delight in teaching things to his children.

What is your own idea about being a humble dad? Tell us what you think.

©Copyright 2017 | Victor Uyanwanne

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3 Kinds of Communication That Destroy Marriages

Silence communication, negative Communication and Inadequate Communication.

Good communication is a vital ingredient in building a happy and healthy marriage. Without it, unhappiness and conflict in the home will be a common experience.

As someone said, communication is the lifeblood of any marriage. But it must added that such communication has to be positive, constructive and productive.

Truth be told, some communications can drain the life out of any healthy relationship. In this post, we will examine some forms of such communication that are not so healthy to engage in marriage.

If good communication improves the health of marriage, then obviously, bad communication destroys it. Nothing less than wholesome, intentional, positive and productive communication should be promoted within a loving marriage relationship.

All the same, there are spouses who may be inadvertently  involved in improper communications with each other. It is my belief that being aware of these kinds of communication that destroy marriages will help you not to engage in them so that the happiness and health of your marriage will be protected.

To that extent, I present to you 3 kinds of communication that may destroy your marriage, with the hope that you will learn not to engage in them:

  • Silence communication
  • Inadequatee communication
  • Negative communication

Let us now take a closer​ look at each of the stated types of communications:

1. Silence communication

On the surface, it would appear that “silence communication” as being used here is an oxymoron, contradicting in terms. But it is not – especially if you think of it in terms of nonverbal communications.

Silence in itself is not the total absence of communication. But it is a form of communication as well.

Through the use of words, you do communicate in any relationship. But you can sometimes do the same without necessarily using words – by the use of silence. That’s why they say, for instance, that “silence means consent.”

In marriage however, silence may not always mean consent, pleasure or happiness; it can mean discontentment, unhappiness, disapproval, indifference, ignorance, bruised ego, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, displeasure, concealed anger, etc.

But the fact still remains that even when you keep silent, you are still communicating something. The question then will be whether or not your silence is serving the proper purpose.

Sadly, “silence communication” can result in miscommunication and misunderstanding.

3 types of Communication that destroy Marriage

It is true that silence may be desirable at times, especially when you need to douse some apparent tensions. But do not allow prolonged silence communication to fester between you and your spouse, neither should you subject your partner to the so-called “silent treatment.” Such will not augur well for the health of your beautiful marriage.

Whenever you notice unwholesome silence communication in your relationship, be the one to break the ice  (in a positive way). This is because continuous silence communication between you and your spouse will have a negative effect on the health of your marriage. Therefore, use “silence communication” wisely.

2. Inadequate communications

Understand that inadequate communication is poor communication whether in marriage or outside of it. Poor communication will in turn result in poor understanding and ultimately in conflict and misunderstanding. And persistent conflict between you and your spouse is not good for the health of your marriage.

Have you ever felt that your partner is not open to discussing​ all issues with you? Or you know he or she is deliberately withholding vital information from you? If your answer is yes,  then you may be experiencing inadequate communication in your marriage.

It is also inadequate communication if your spouse can use more information than you are willing and open to communicate with him or her. What that means is that you are withholding information from your partner without his or her consent. And that’s not right. If your spouse is the one withholding information from you, it is also not right.

More often than not, inadequate communication can result in serious misunderstanding​ between you both, and consequently to unhealthy conflict that puts the union at risk.

In marriage you should be free to talk about anything and everything with your spouse. Such communication should be proactive, intentional, regular and adequate.

3. Negative communication

Ever heard​ the saying that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing?” That shows that it may be more beneficial sometimes to maintain silence than to say unpalatable things – to your spouse, for example.

Well, while not encouraging silence communication in marriage, it is better to avoid negative communication all together. Negative communications will produce negative effects.

Negative communication such as uncomplimentary remarks about your spouse and unending doses of unconstructive criticisms will not improve the good-health of your marriage. Your spouse may feel disrespected or unvalued if your communication always come across to them as negative. On the other hand, you will come across as caring, loving, friendly and considerate if your communications are always positive.

If you communicate negatively with your spouse long enough, he or she will begin to resent you, leading to emotional disconnection between you both. There is no future for any marriage where the partners do not share a strong intimate emotional bonding.

We will then conclude that silence communication is not good. Inadequate communication is not good enough. And negative communication is not good at all.

Your marriage will be negatively affected if you engage in any of the above communications long enough. Therefore, it is better to avoid these kinds of communication that destroy marriages.

What other kinds of communications do you think can destroy a marriage?


©Copyright 2017 | Victor Uyanwanne

5 Reasons I Could Not Have Been Single For Life And Be Satisfied

Gentle warning: This post is extremely personal. But don’t take it personal.

Victor Uyanwanne on who he could not have been single, satisfied and happy.

In the previous post, I stated the fact that some people are single for life and satisfied. But I went on to explore the idea that I could not have been unmarried for life and be completely fulfiled.

My well-thought out humble conclusion then was that:

As for me, I see marriage as a calling I had to embrace because I could never have been totally satisfied with a lifelong celibacy.

To put things in a clearer perspective, I am using this post to advance five reasons I believe that I could not have been completely satisfied if I had remained single for life.

Like I stated in the first part of this post, this is a personal experience I decided to share with you. So do not be offended if your own experience or perspective is radically different from mine.

Living unmarried for life or getting married, which one do you prefer?

1) Marriage is my calling

Marriage is part of God’s general plan for humanity. I believe strongly in it, and I always will.

I may have many ‘callings’ in life, but celibacy is not one of them. I made up my mind about that long before I eventually walked the altar to say, “I do.”

Marriage is honourable. Most people will not disagree with that! So embracing marriage means embracing an honourable institution established by God Himself.

God made it possible for me and many other countless people to be married… And except you feel called to a lifelong celibacy, I believe you should be open to marriage too. Don’t you think so?

2) Two are better than one

Marriage gives a veritable opportunity for a beautiful synergy in life between two people who are divinely bound in a holy union – a kind that singlehood does not offer me.

I reckoned that I am stronger with a spouse for life than without one. The total union of two separate people to become one in marriage unleashes the power of synergy, which is in line with God’s plan and purpose.

Why would I choose to go along in life as a ‘lone ranger’ when I could legally have a great person of the opposite sex to go along with me all the way? Like I said in the previous post, I prefer my “married me” to my “single me.”

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves… Ecclesiates 4:9-12.

Marriage is my legitimate opportunity to build my own family as God intended, so why should I flunk the choice?

Sexual expression

3) Sexual fulfilment

Apostle Paul once declared in unequivocal terms that, “It is better to get married than to remain unmarried and continually burn with passion.” That’s one of the frankest statements in God’s word as far as managing  your sexual affection as a single person is concerned.

Christian values teach us that the only kind of sex approved by God is marital sex. So any act of sex engaged in outside the walls of marriage amounts to living contrary to the will of God.

I am aware that many people will not be comfortable with me saying that. But I have to say it because it is not my idea but God’s. And God knows best!

In the light of that, it means that as a single man who wanted to please God in this area, I would not engage in sex except I was legally married.

However, I definitely would not be able to live without sexual expression for the rest of my life, without disobeying God. You can talk about exercising self-control, but let us leave that lesson for another day.

Let us read what the Bible says here:

But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, [that as a practical matter] it is good if they remain [single and entirely devoted to the Lord] as I am. But if they do not have [sufficient] self-control, they should marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion .
1 Corinthians 7:8‭-‬9 AMP

Early enough in life, I learnt that both premarital and extramarital sexual experiences are not part of God’s perfect plan for His children. So I had to choose the committed marriage option to meet my sexual needs.

Any thing outside that would have led me to committing avoidable sexual sin, which has its own inescapable consequences.

Sexual sin is self-destructive. It’s like a fire. A fire in the fireplace can do you a lot of good. A fire in the living room will mess up your whole house! And that’s precisely the case with our sexuality. It is a fire to be kindled only within the fireplace of marriage. Outside of that safe enclosure, it can do all kinds of emotional and physical damage. Single And Satisfied – Tony Evans

4) The need to have children

I do not want only sexual satisfaction by getting married, I want to produce offsprings too.

Remaining unmarried for life would have meant that I would not have been a parent, except of course I became one out of wedlock. Not even in my dreams did I ever consider that an option to take!

Marriage has afforded me the great privilege of having my own legal children. And I am loving it…

I am aware some people get married and decide on their own not to have children. But that is very unusual in my part of the world. (Apologies to the couple who are trying so hard to have their own children but to no avail yet).

I believe also that it is part of God’s will for my life to have children.

Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward. As arrows [are] in the hand of a mighty man; so [are] children of the youth. Happy [is] the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. Psalms 127:3-5.

5) One person to love for life.

For the most part of my single life, I always longed for the time I would get committed to one lady for life – totally and completely. To love and to cherish her for the rest of my life.

Marriage provides me with the best chance to fulfill that longing. In marriage, I have a trusted companion to love and to cherish for the rest of my life.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church… For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. Ephesians 5:28-32.

If you are presently living single for life or in a committed marriage, please let me know what you think about the post.

©CopyRight 2017 | Victor Uyanwanne

Have You Read My About Page Before?

Victor Uyanwanne
Victors’ Corner

Have you ever checked out my About page? I thought I should ask you that question and then offer you a veritable opportunity to do it if you haven’t already done so. But even if you have read it before, you still have something to gain by reading it again.

For most blogs, the about page is usually one of the most frequently checked-out pages. This blog is not an exception to that behavioural pattern.

Over the past several months that I have been writing on this blog, there have been concrete evidence that my about page has been frequently visited, read, liked or commented on. This is your chance to read it (again).

My About Page

My name is Victor Uyanwanne. I live in Lagos, Nigeria with my wife and two kids.

You are warmly welcome to my blog, Victors’ Corner – a blog dedicated to providing wholesome inspiration for the family, life, and living – from a Christian worldview.

The name, Victors’ Corner, has a little history behind it. But here it suffices to say that it serves as a reminder that YOU ARE A VICTOR.

Yes, you are a victor, not a victim! So am I, and every one of us here. Why did I say that? Because God has never made a failure! You are definitely not a failure! Take that from me.

Here on this blog, you will find items on Inspiration, Christian living, lively Poems, Family, blogging matters and any other thing that tickles my fancy packaged to enrich your life, with a view to inspiring you to living like a victor that you are.

Let us enjoy the victorious journey together. Feel free to explore the blog as you like. I am sure you will find something beneficial to you, your friends and family.

We are VICTORS together in this CORNER. Let’s continue to inspire each other unto greater things. Your feedback is important to me, so leave me a comment or two as you read my thoughts.

You don’t have to agree with me if my views on this blog differ from yours. But if you ever disagree with me, let me know too. We have a lot to learn from each other.

On the other hand, if you like any of my posts, let me know by hitting the like button below every post. I am sure your friends will like it too, so don’t forget to share it with them.

Do have a rewarding experience here on  Victors’ Corner!

Much love!

Victor.

Uyanwanne Victor
Victor Uyanwanne

Your comments and suggestion are welcome.

 

This post was inspired by Tikeetha’s Welcome to my world

2016 In Review: Top 10 Posts On This Blog

 

10 most liked post
10 Most Liked Posts On Victorscornerdotorg.wordpress.com in 2016

Based on the posts with the highest number of likes, here are the summaries of the top 10 posts on this blog in 2016:

 # 10. Towards A better Marriage: 6 Simple Reasons You Should Not Blame Your Spouse

  • When you blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong in your marriage, you paint the false picture that you are perfect.
  • You hurt your spouse’s feelings when you heap the blame on him/her every time, without taking any responsibility yourself.
  • You risk being resented by your spouse if you continue the blame game.
  • As you already know, you will not be able to build a happy and healthy relationship with anyone if you blame or resent him/her a lot.
  • Blaming your spouse does not solve the problem in your marriage.
  • Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.

# 9. Can Unhappy Parents Raise Happy Children?

I want to be a happy father to my children and a happy husband to my wife. After all, a grumpy man would not make a good companion to anyone – family or not family. This is part of the reason I have realised that I should strive to always have my emotions under control…

It seems logical to think that unhappy parents may not be able to raise happy children. And I don’t want to be caught in that web.

#8. How You Can Know God At The Friendship Level

Distinguished and best-selling Author, Rick Warren, in one of his devotional articles, stated that there are three levels of knowing God: recognition, acquaintance, and friendship.

To know someone deeply, you have to regularly talk to, or spend time with, him or her. Knowing God deeply is not different from that. Except you are willing to regularly fellowship with God, talk to Him as a friend and let Him talk to you too, you may never get to know Him at the deepest level possible.

#7. Communication in Marriage: 4 Super Lessons In A Surprising Way

Various situations could arise in your marital relationship that may want to force a communication gap between you and your spouse. But don’t allow for a breakdown in communication between you both. If communication fails, many other things will fail along.

  • In a thorny situation in your marriage, know that your spouse is not the thorn.
  • If your spouse wears an unusual outlook, you as the other half should show persistent care (by asking) to find out what the problem is.
  • If your spouse slows down in communicating with you, that’s not the time for you to withdraw from him/her.
  • Be strong for your spouse by whispering to him/her that you are there for him/her

#6. Jesus: 8 Special Things About The Baby That Changed The World

Jesus was more than a baby. He is the God-incarnate. As the Saviour of the world, in Him lies the eternal hope of mankind. Here are some special things about Him that set Him apart from any other man in recorded history:

  • Jesus’ miraculous conception by a virgin.
  • His conception by a virgin and birth were both undeniable fulfilment of Prophecies.
  • He wasn’t born to earthly royalty, but angels heralded His birth.
  • The birth of Jesus is the proof of God’s love for the world.
  • Jesus was born to die.
  • Jesus is the only man in history with the complete tripartite cycle of birth, death and resurrection.
  • He is the only one giving eternal life to anyone who believes in Him.

#5. Finding The Friend That Sticks Closer Than A Brother

There’s one thing I have come to know.
Many friends will always come and go.
Their going away may not be caused by strife.
It is a normal phenomenon of this life…

We can always find a friend in the Lord Jesus,
Who has promised He’ll always be there for us.
Whatever we go through in this time and space,
We can get succour by looking unto His face

#4. Towards A Better Marriage: Your Spouse Is Not The Problem

A problem is a problem and your spouse is your spouse. Please don’t mistake one for another.

Next time you have any marital issue, be sure to remind yourself that your spouse is not the problem. Identify what the issue is and focus on tackling it.

#3. Sixteen Sobering Things Every Atheist Should Know

If you don’t want to end up in the wrong destination, you should not continue on the journey in the wrong direction. The prodigal son found his back to his father, so can you! If you are an atheist, here are 16 sobering truths I wish you to know:

  • God exists – whether you believe it or not.
  • To know God, check the Bible
  • God loves you, I thought you should know.
  • God is not angry with you.
  • Jesus Christ is the only Way to God.
  • You are not the first person to doubt the existence of God.
  • The Bible has a word for anyone who doesn’t believe there is God…FOOL.
  • There have been people who turned from atheism to God and so can you.
  • Your lifetime is your only opportunity for you to know God.
  • Whatever misgivings you have about God can be handled.
  • God has numerous children and He has room for you too.
  • If you die today, where would you spend eternity?
  • The problem of sin cannot be solved except in Christ Jesus.
  • You are accountable to God, now or later.
  • There is a future reality called Hellfire, for everyone who rejects Jesus.
  • Very far from God is not too far yet.

#2. A Broken Piece of Heart

For many years, I went about my life
With a broken piece of heart, bleeding.
No one could fill the great void I felt
Or mend the awfully shattered part of me…

But then I met the greatest Friend and Lover
Who truly loved me as I am, unconditionally.
The One who gave up His life for me
And gave me a brand new heart too.

#1. Six Simple Reasons To Forgive Offences

Everyone needs forgiveness.  On the other hand, everyone needs to offer forgiveness too. Here are 5 simple reasons you should learn to forgive others:

  • God has forgiven your offences and He expects you to forgive others too.
  • Unforgiveness is a big weight, free yourself from it.
  • Don’t you expect others to forgive you too?
  • Happiness and unforgiveness don’t mix.
  • You have the capacity to forgive, no need pretending otherwise.
  • Forgive yourself so you can forgive others.

 

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to comment.

©CopyRight 2017 | Victor Uyanwanne

You Are Not Too Old To Be Happy

Nobody is too old to be happy, Victor Uyanwanne

No matter who or how old you are
Know that you are surely a shining star.
No matter what you have been told.
Be happy, you are not yet too old.

Do not let your perceived old age
Make you feel like a bird in a cage.
That you have been around for a while
Is enough reason to make you smile.

You have seen many life’s seasons
That have given you multiple reasons
Which we see have made you wise
In yours, and in our youthful eyes.

Try and forget the pain of yester years
And your many treacherous days of tears.
Rejoice in the moments you have and now.
Please find out if you don’t know how.

To you Facebook may look like magic.
Without it doesn’t mean your life is tragic.
Even if all you ever knew was a real ‘picture book’.
Smile as your grandsons splash your pictures on Facebook.

You may not have known how to tweet
But hasn’t your life been very sweet?
Even if yours hasn’t been a life of ease
Be you not bitter to your grave, please.

Before you ultimately return to your Maker.
Or become an item for the undertaker
Endeavour to heal all known sores.
And seek not to settle old scores.

It is true you have come of age.
But don’t quit being happy at this stage.
Even though your journey has been bumpy
You are never too old to be happy.

 

©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne