8 Things Every Christian Man Should Regularly Give His Wife

When I shared Seven Things Every Christian Woman Should Regularly Give Her Husband, I thought it would be a one-off post. But one of my readers raised the valid point of the need to always ensure there is a counter-balance in a loving relationship.

In response to that apt observation, I am writing this post to highlight some of the expectations from the husband as well. While the former post was for a predominantly women audience, this is directed mainly at men.

That not withstanding, if you are a (married) woman reading this, be sure to continue reading to the end. I assure you, you will not regret it.

Now here are:

8 Things Every Christian Man Should Regularly Give His Wife

What husbands should give to their wives daily.

1. Love

  • This is the first thing a Christian man should give his wife. It is commanded of him by the Lord.
  • The wife expects her husband to love her wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Your wife is not perfect, but you should love her still!

2. Provision

  • A husband should ensure that the wife’s (emotional, physical, financial, spiritual) needs are provided for.
  • Not providing for the woman will leave her feeling stressed, frustrated and insecure.

3. Protection

  • The husband should provide protection to the wife against the harmful effects of the elements, hurtful people and other harmful things;
  • The husband should provide security to the wife so she has “freedom from, or resilience against, potential harm (or other unwanted coercive change) from external forces.”

4. Leadership

  • The christian husband should provide all kinds of leadership, including spiritual leadership, to the wife.
  • The wife may be disillusioned if the husband fails to show or lead the way.

5. Commitment

  • Commitment in marriage is a journey not a destination. The husband should daily demonstrate his commitment to his wife.
  • The wife expects her husband to be committed to her and only her. The commitment is not for a short while, she (rightly) expects it to be forever.

6. Fidelity

  • The Christian man should not share his affection with any other woman; he should continue to demonstrate continuing loyalty and support to his wife only.
  • The man should emotionally and intimately commit to being faithful to his wife. He should not seek sexual gratification from anyone other than his wife.

7. Help

  • The wife is called the help-meet for the husband. But that doesn’t mean the husband cannot be a helper to the wife too.
  • A wife expects her husband to help out (especially with the chores) around the house.

8. Empathy

  • The husband should seek to understand and share the feelings of his wife.
  • He should give a listening ear to his wife, be patient with her and forgive her a million times in a day.

Remember what the Bible says:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV.

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Thank you for reading my thoughts. Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section.


©Copyright 2018|Victor Uyanwanne

Because We Have The Greatest Love

Love Poem by Victor Uyanwanne
Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

When I saw you the first time.
It felt like you were an angel.
Though I didn’t have much dime.
I knew our relationship will gel.

From that very day on wards
Up, everything went towards
Being with you seemed so right
And our future colourfully bright.

Together we set out on this journey
Though it may be rough and thorny
It is guaranteed us we will make it
If we have our trust in God every bit

People will see us and marvel
As God’s favours on us unravel
We will wave at them and say
It is the Lord’s doing all the way

Sure, it is marvellous in our eyes
Not because we are strong and wise
But because we have the greatest love
Poured in our hearts from high Above.

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

First published on Living Poems

Finding The Courage To Move On

You said you loved me with all your heart.
And you made me many promises for a start.
So I loved and trusted you as a thorough-bred.
Having faith in the future I thought we shared.

But before the very future began to unfold.
Before our relationship became months old.
Many ugly things about you began to surface.
One after another, right before my innocent face.

I thought I could handle them very well at first
Wishing that what we shared would not waste.
But you consistently proved to be irredeemable
For awful reasons that still remain inscrutable

“I am human after all,” you always claim
That I know, so I apportioned no blame
Thinking that since…

Continue reading via my Living Poems blog.


©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

On Forgiveness

Revenge

1. God has forgiven your offences. He expects you to forgive other people too.

2. Unforgiveness is a big weight. Free yourself from it or else you may get crushed under it.

3. Happiness and unforgiveness don’t mix. Between the two, you have the power to choose the one you prefer.

4. You have the capacity to forgive anyone who offends you. No need pretending otherwise.

5. Forgive yourself. If you cannot forgive yourself hardly can you forgive others.

6. No matter what anyone has done against you, find a reason to forgive.

7. Forgiveness is a gift. You can give it even when someone doesn’t deserve it.

8. In the long run, forgiveness is sweeter than revenge.


Any comment?


©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

5 Good Ways Being Grateful For Your Salvation Will Impact Your Life

Everyone alive has something he or she should be grateful for. From the mundane to the sublime, there is always a reason to be thankful.

As followers of Jesus Christ, let’s relate that to our attitude towards the free gift of salvation we received from Above.

Many of us would say that our salvation is what we are most grateful for in this life. And that’s a great thing!

Continue reading

Being A Loving Leader Doesn’t Mean You Shouldn’t Hold Your Team Accountable

Holding your team accountable

If you are leading anything of significance then you will regularly run into many uncertainties, obstacles, and failures. And it is the way you deal with these situations, how you handle things going wrong, that truly defines your leadership.”

Those were the words of Paul Hughes in the post, “Your leadership is defined by how you handle things going wrong.”

Paul is someone who believes that leadership should be founded on love.

According to him, “When a culture has its foundation in love, then it is safe to fail. People start to come out of their comfort zones because they know that even if they make a mistake they are still going to be valued. Instead of being blamed, they know they will be supported and assisted to grow.”

What that means in a way is that a leader who loves his or her team will not take pleasure in dishing out blames to the team if failure occurs along the line; neither will he or she be judgemental.

Rather the leader focuses “…on discovering and truly understanding the cause of the failure, while at the same time being attuned to the feelings of the people involved.”

Paul calls that the Empathetic Discovery Approach. The principle requires that in any situation of failure, you the leader should build shared understanding of the root-cause of the problem through exploration conversations without demoralising any member of your team.

If you jump into conclusions without this empathetic exploration, you are more likely to get your team feeling hurt and getting blamed. And as you know, no one enjoys being blamed all the time.

I agreed with that position when I read it in the original post. But I was also left with the following questions:

Does this approach (of focusing on the root-cause of failure and having respect for the team members’ feelings) preclude a leader from holding people accountable for their actions?

Or is this another way of saying, “Ask what went wrong, not who was wrong?”

Leadership and accountability
Paul Hughes-LoveYourTeam

Here was Paul’s response to that question. (I have his permission to reproduce it here):

This approach doesn’t preclude a leader from holding people accountable for their actions. In fact, it is the opposite.

If you don’t hold people accountable then you aren’t really being a loving leader.

To give an analogy of how the approach I’m describing fits in with accountability, imagine the situation when someone is speeding in their car and a police officer pulls them over.

There is a consequence for exceeding the speed limit, which is getting fined. It is the police officer’s duty to issue that fine.

But the police officer has a decision to make about how they are going to perceive the speeding driver.

One approach is to make an assumption that the driver doesn’t care about the road laws, and then to look down on the driver for this lack of care.

Another approach is to hold back from jumping to conclusions or forming a judgement.

I guarantee that the driver will know the difference, even if the police officer did not say anything. They would sense in a lot of subtle ways whether the officer was holding that judgement or not.

Now, the officer could just issue the fine and walk away. And there is nothing wrong with that.

But think about the possibilities of approaching the situation from a standpoint of unconditional love.

The police officer might want to do the best they can to help make the chance of speeding lower in future, to protect people from preventable accidents. In his case, the loving officer would be navigating the table in my article.

The system first. What if it turns out that the speed signs had fallen down and it was impossible for drivers to know the speed limit.

If this turned out to be the case, the officer would want to arrange for the signs to be fixed to help all drivers.

But let’s say the speed signs were fine. What caused the driver to be speeding?

May be they were stressed out with many different things, and weren’t concentrating while driving.

The loving officer could listen and empathise with this, while at the same time still giving the person the fine. And who knows, maybe just taking the time to listen and to offer an encouraging word letting the person know there is hope amidst their many problems, ends up being a moment that really changes that person.

And then maybe that person is able to sort out some challenges they have that help them in many ways, only one of which is not getting distracted while driving and causing them to speed.

How much better of an outcome is this than just the person stopping speeding out of fear that they’ll get another ticket?

Or let’s say it turns out that the driver really doesn’t care and is disrespectful to the officer. At that point the officer obviously still gives them the fine, which is the consequence of their behaviour. But the officer still has a choice whether to love the person.

The unloving path is to hold the innate worth of the person lower because of the attitude they expressed. Following that path, what is the chance of this interaction actually helping that person?

It’s most likely going to re-enforce the poor attitude they have.

But on the other hand, what if the officer was loving? In this case they would not diminish the worth of the person. They would feel sorry for person, knowing the expressed attitude will lead to pain for them and others.

They would look the person in the eye, and out of genuine love say something like, “I really don’t want to see you get hurt or others get hurt. I need to give you this fine today because you have broken the law and done something dangerous. But I truly hope you value yourself as much as I value you, and stop speeding”.

Now the person may snarl and dismiss the comment. But you never know what kind of seed that moment of genuine unconditional love will plant.

The authenticity of that interaction could play some small part in really helping that person change. And even if that is only the remotest of possibilities, then it is worth it.

Screenshot_20180606-015213~2

What do you think?

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: 4 Interesting Things About The Royal Wedding

Prince Harry And Meghan Markle - at the altar

In an epoch-making ceremony, Prince Harry took his beautiful bride, Meghan Markle, to the altar to be his lawfully wedded wife.

The whole world stood at attention as the graceful royal event took place at St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle in London.

In many ways, the marriage between the two lovebirds has been described as a break from the norm; a royal wedding with a difference.

In this post I will talk about 4 interesting things about the couple.

Royal wedding

4 Interesting Things About The Royal Wedding Between Prince Harry And Meghan Markle

1. The couple loves each other very much.

The union between Price Harry and Meghan Markle is not a loveless union in any way as some royal marriages in the past might have been.

This one is a special marriage between two special people that specially love each other against all odds.

The love of the couple shone through every inch of the wedding ceremony. Meghan was particularly full of smiles as she pledged her marriage love and commitment to Prince Harry.

The sparks of love in her eyes were indescribable. And Prince Harry was like, “You look amazing. And I am so lucky to have you.”

I am sure the elegant Megan felt the same way too; they were visibly happy throughout the ceremony.

This couple followed their hearts, without minding what the world around them would think. They fell in love and stayed in love, standing before the Lord to be joined man and wife in holy matrimony.

From the year of our Lord 2016 when they reportedly first met each other, to this year 2018 when they walked down the isle, their love for each other stood strong, overcame many negative criticisms that arose against the royal union along the line.

The royal wedding

2. The couple met through a blind date.

It was reported in the media that Prince Harry met Megan Markle through a blind date orchestrated by a mutual friend of theirs.

Really?

Yes! Their first time meeting with each other was through a blind date.

Meghan confirmed it when she confessed in a BBC interview that the blind date… (Wait for it)… “was a set-up.”

Now we can all see the result; that “set-up’ was definitely a blind date with a difference; It worked out gradually but surely, leading to a grand royal union.

Before now, one would have thought that this kind of blind date only happens in movies. But here we are celebrating the strong love that developed from a blind date to friendship and then to marriage into royalty.

With this development, it looks like the next (even the present) generation of young people now have a veritable example of a blind date that worked for them to imitate.

But they should remember that they are not Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

Interracial marriage

3. Welcome the Biracial royal bride

As far as I know, never in the history of the British monarchy has there been a biracial bride amongst the wives of the men of their royalties. But with Meghan Markle coming into the fold, as wife of Prince Harry, a great history has been made.

In the words of Katie O’Malley, “…a mixed race woman has married into one of the whitest institutions in the UK…”

This is reality my friend!

It means that Prince Harry and Meghan have chatted a new course for mankind in matters of race relations on earth – in an unprecedented way.

As one media analyst pointed out, “Ten years ago, this would have been impossible.”

Yes, a decade ago, a marriage between a British royalty and a biracial woman wouldn’t have been possible. But it is now… And that’s progress for us humans!

When the first man landed on the Moon, it was dubbed, “one small step for a man but one giant leap for mankind.”

In the same vein, Prince Harry’s marriage to a biracial Meghan could be seen as a giant leap forward for mankind in the history of interracial relationships, not only in Britain but in many places around the world.

Meghan has now moved from being an American actress to Britain to being a royal bride with a difference.

And the good part is that many people love and adore her, calling her and Harry, “a perfect couple.”

Everyone that matters, especially Harry’s dad, Prince Charles and his grand mum, her royal majesty, Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, understandably approved of the union.

This is not to say that the couple didn’t initially face some persecutions from some sections of the public because of Megan’s racial background.

They did, but they overcame. Thanks to Prince Harry who stood firmly behind his gorgeous lady.

Royal wedding

4. The Divorcee Question

When in 2017 Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced their engagement, some questions arose about her previous relationships.

As it turned out, Meghan had been married before but the marriage did not work out between her and her then spouse. We now know the name of her ex husband as Trevor Engelson, a Hollywood television and film producer.

As at the time she met Prince Harry, Meghan was already officially divorced. But the ‘divorcee’ tag on Meghan did not dissuade Harry from marrying her.

In any case, Meghan’s failed marriage to Engelson is now in the past where it belongs. A new marriage chapter has now been opened between Prince Harry and her, not only as husband and wife but also as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

What is your take on the royal wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle?

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

Not Everyone…

Not Everyone, a poem by Victor Uyanwanne

Not every one will love you the way you are.
But do not be depressed by thinking no one loves you at all.

Not every man will treat you nicely and kindly.
But make not the mistake of assuming all men are beasts.

Not every one will have unflinching faith in you.
But do yourself a favour, never fail to believe in you.

Not everyone will truly understand you.
But never you take for granted those who do.

Not everyone will know where the shoe pinches.
Because not everyone has been in your shoes.

Not everyone will show you how they made it in life.
But when you make it, be kind to show the way to others.

Not everyone will celebrate you and your dreams.
But when your dreams come through, you will be celebrated.

Not everyone will be there when you need them.
But not everyone who isn’t there is against you.

Not everyone around you will do the right things.
But always do things right whomever you are around.

Not everyone believe there is God.
But you know that’s a sure sign of foolishness.

Not everyone will do whatever you love.
But that doesn’t stop you from loving everyone.

Not everyone can please you all the time.
They’re just like you, you can’t please everyone every time.

Not everyone will smile at you every time.
But it may not mean they are not happy with you.

Not everyone will be grateful for your help.
But never fail to show gratitude to whomever helps you.

Not everyone will forgive all your offences.
But always forgive everyone who offends you.

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

You Love Your Wife and You Know it

A poem on Spousal love

You love your wife and you know it.
And she knows too that you love her.
Your love languages are truly in sync.
All is going well and good for you both.
No slacking, keep the flag flying.
That is how it is supposed to be.

You love your wife and you know it.
But your wife doesn’t think you love her.
In many ways you try to prove that you love her.
But she never really gets to understand you much.
You are speaking a love language different from hers.
It is time you began to learn her own love language.

You don’t love your wife and you know it.
But somehow she thinks that you do love her.
All because you have been acting like you love her.
Is it not time you stopped deceiving her?
And begin to make your love acts true to the heart?
Loving is a choice you have to make in her favour.

You don’t love your wife and you know it.
She too knows that you don’t love her.
But somehow, you are both managing each other…
You are the one failing in your responsibility here,
Because you were the one told, “Husband love your wife.”
Now is the time to make the choice to love her.

 

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne