When You Are Interviewed By A Parenting Blog

I recently got featured as a blog’s Parent of the Month. That happens to be the first real interview I would ever grant to any website.

I have the permission of the blog author to share the interview with you here. Enjoy it.


Aspiring Writer, Husband, Father… Parent of the Month

Welcome to our Parentinggist parent of the month. Let’s meet our guest.

My name is Victor Uyanwanne, husband to Jennifer, father of two energetic boys and an aspiring writer.

Great, can you throw more light on your writing.

For the past three years, I have been publishing posts bothering on life and living, family issues, blogging tips, poetry and many other things that tickle my fancy. My purpose is to inspire people and equip them with the right knowledge that will help them live happier.

Being a follower of Jesus Christ, the thoughts on my blogs are presented from a Christian worldview. If you want to read my writings first hand, they can be accessed via Victors’ Corner

Awesome blog, you’ve got, how do you combine your regular job, writing and family?

Thanks for the compliment. I will say, I am combining effectively well. I take my job seriously and I put in my best all the time.

Reading and writing are my top hobbies so I have fun doing both, especially at night after work and on weekends. Except because of Lagos traffic bottlenecks, anyone here should have plenty of time after work (from the close of work at 5pm daily to whenever he or she goes to bed) to do some personal things. That’s how I find time to hone my writing skills.

As for the family, I will give all the credit to my beautiful wife for holding forth strongly at the home front. She is really a gift from heaven to me; a helpmeet indeed.

Having said that, I will add that as much as possible I try to spend much time with my family whenever I’m not at work. And I usually cut out unnecessary outings. I don’t know about you, for me, family time is fun time and best time. I have two very inquisitive boys. Answering their numerous questions and bonding with them through mutual interactions have been one of my greatest pleasures as a dad.

We would like you to share some of the numerous questions from your boys, I’m sure we would benefit from them too or laugh it out.

I have had my boys asking me scores of questions. And many of those questions I answered correctly without much ado. Yet there were ones I had to think twice before answering.

For instance, one of them once asked me, “Daddy, why do we have ten fingers?” How does one answer that? Please help me out (smiles).

When they asked, “Daddy, what is the baby of a horse called?” I am ashamed to say that I had to quickly check “Google” on my smartphone before I could tell them it’s called “a foal.”

Of all the questions my boys have ever asked me, the one that impressed me most was when the older boy (then 4years plus) asked me how he could be able to make it to Heaven at the end of this life. I must say it was my privilege to lead him to Christ that Christmas morning.

Oh this is wonderful, I must say, so what advice do you have for parents who are reading this; how can we lead our kids to make Heaven?

Parents should share the simple truths of the gospel with their children and allow them to make up their mind about receiving Jesus Christ into their lives. It is not something that can be forced.

In addition, parents should always pray for their children, that they receive the Lord and follow His way. In my boy’s case, I had prayed for him even before he turned 2 years old that he would get to be born again before the age of eight. Fortunately for me, it happened much earlier than expected.

One other thing I will add is that parents should by their conducts show good examples to their children. Children are good observers and they learn alot from their parents. If we want our children to be candidates of heaven, we should not live our lives as candidates of hell.

Thank you so much for honouring our invitation.

You are welcome. The pleasure is mine.

P.S: The interview was originally published on ParentingGist blog.


What do you think?

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2 Simple Reasons You Should Continue To Be A Good Boy (or Girl)

What does it mean to be a good boy (or girl)?

Being a good boy (or girl) involves obeying rules, treating other people with respect, not being lazy, helping out around the house, maintaining healthy habits, being studious, volunteering, not doing drugs, and so on and so forth.

Cast your mind back to when you were growing up. Your parents would always say to you to be a good boy (or girl) whenever they were concerned about your behaviours.

And in most cases you cooperated with them, even though there were times you fell short of their expectations.

You know how proud you made them feel whenever you made the right choices! They felt honoured!

That is to say, being a good boy (or girl) is one of the ways you can show that you hold your parents in high esteem.

As you well know, your parents don’t want you doing things that may embarrass your family. They are genuinely interested in you having good conducts, protecting you from harming yourself and others.

Apart from the pain your misbehaviours may cause to your parents, to you and to other people around you, you dishonour your parents (and your family) each time you engage in unwholesome activities.

Bearing that in mind, I assume you tried your best to be a good boy (or girl) when you were growing up. Now that you are fully grown and independent, do you think you should stop being a good boy (or girl)?

Honouring your parents

I bet you don’t want to do that – for two reasons:

You don’t want to break your parents’ hearts at old age.

No matter how old your parents might have become, they still want you to keep being a good kid.

And no matter how fully grown or independent you might have become, your parents still don’t you to be involved in activities that may hurt you. They love you that much!

If you don’t honour them by making right choices in your life, their hearts will ache over you and you may end up sending them to an early grave.

Even if your parents, like mine, have gone to the great beyond, still honour their memories by continuing to be a good kid in their absence.

Remember this also: besides our earthly parents, we are also accountable to a heavenly Father. So you don’t want to do anything that will impede your relationship with Him.

You want to leave a good legacy for yourself.

Come to think of it: it’s your life, you can live it the way you want. But remember that whatever you do with it is the legacy you will leave for yourself, for your children and for posterity.

That makes it imperative for you to continue to behave well, making the right choices and being a good boy (or girl).

Don’t wait for someone to force it on you. Be intentional about it. Show some commitment to making the right choices in life. And continue to be a good boy or girl.


What does being a good boy (or girl) mean to you? Share your view in the comment section.


©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

Parenting is Learning

Parenting
Source: Pinterest

“We learn every day,” so says that popular saying.

I know that is true in many aspects of our human endeavours. But being a relatively new parent, I have come to also realise that the statement is particularly true of parenting.

Parenting is a huge responsibility. But it is also full of opportunities to learn new things. 

As parents we know that our children learn from us. But beyond that, any sincere parent would acknowledge that every now and then, he or she also learns from his or her children as well.

I have experienced it several times…

I have a three-year old and a five year old. Sometimes I set out to teach them some things and in the process I learn new things from them as well. Best & Newman UyanwanneEven I have enriched my vocabulary merely listening to them. And I believe I’m not alone here.

There have been times they asked me questions I didn’t have immediate answers for. But as I looked around for the most appropriate feedback to give to them, I got to learn new things in the process.

I also get to use my experience in guiding them. But I have since realised that experience is not enough; my experience is my experience, not theirs.

Just like many new parents, I would admit that I don’t know it all. So I am still learning… And it seems to me that every opportunity that gets created for me to teach my kids something is also an opportunity for me to learn something too – no matter how small.

Granted that when I am teaching them, I tend to do most of the talking most times. But it pays to listen to what they have to say as well. Listening is a key part of parenting. Every parent should develop the skill.

I would not say I have arrived in that respect. But I know I’m no longer where I used to be when the parenting journey got started.

Parenting and learning

Now I’m learning to be a little more open and more accommodating to their many ideas and perspectives. They don’t have their way most times (obviously, they shouldn’t). But I shouldn’t have my way all the time either.

They may not be aware yet that relating with them opens a new vista of knowledge for me. But I have come to realise that I am learning a lot from them.

So in only five years experience on the job, I am convinced that parenting is learning. That’s my  perspective. What’s yours?

 

©Copyright 2018 | Victor Uyanwanne

10 Things About A Humble Dad

I have been a dad only for a couple of years. And in these few years, I have come to realise that parenting is a great privilege and  a humbling responsibility as well.

“Anyone can be father, but it takes a special person to be a dad.”

Through its’ highs and lows as a dad, there are many lessons one can gradually learn about a dad and his children.  While it is one thing to be a dad, it is another thing to be a humble dad.

This post is about being a humble dad. I believe that becoming a humble dad will make you become a better dad. Therefore I present to you

10 things about a humble dad you should know

1. A humble dad apologises to his kids when he does something wrong to them.

2. A humble dad knows he does not understand every thing his children say, but he actively seeks to understand them more.

3. Only a humble dad will acknowledge that he does not know everything; there are things he can learn from his kids.

4. A humble dad knows​ that he is not perfect but he still strives to be the best he can be for his children.

5. A humble dad acknowledges that his children are indeed God’s heritage in his care and he treats them as such.

6. A humble dad knows that he cannot meet all the needs of his children without support from Above so he actively seeks the help of God through prayer.

7. A humble dad knows that his children are not perfect but he has to love them despite their imperfections.

8. A humble dad forgives his children all their wrongs because he too needs forgiveness from the Father above.

9. A humble dad values his time but he doesn’t mind spending valuable time with his children.

10. A humble dad knows that he is not just a father, he is also a teacher​ who should take delight in teaching things to his children.

What is your own idea about being a humble dad? Tell us what you think.

©Copyright 2017 | Victor Uyanwanne

Can Unhappy Parents Raise Happy Children?

Happy parents, happy children

Good parenting is very challenging. That’s a common belief. But I guess you may not fully comprehend all the angles to it until you wear the shoes.

If you are already a parent as I am, then you are in a familiar terrain. But if you are not one yet, I hope it is part of your plan to become one in future. The experience will be wonderful.

I became a dad for the first time in the middle of 2012. From then till now I have two energetic boys that now call me ‘daddy.’ The second one just turned two years while the first one will be four in July.

You know, it is a great privilege to be a dad. But it is also a great responsibility to shoulder. And if you ask me what kind of dad I would want to be, I would not hesitate to tell you that I would want to be a great one – a great dad to my kids, both in words and in deeds.

How do I mean?

I desire to be a perfect example for my children to follow.  I desire to be a shining light that shows them the best ways to live in order to lead a purposeful and meaningful life.

I also want to be their friend, their hero, their confidante, their mentor, their teacher and their ‘everything’ that is possible for me to be under the Earth. But sometimes, I worry that I may not always measure up to these awesome standards as excellently as I would want to.

The reason for that is not far-fetched: I am not perfect – nobody is. Only God is the indisputable perfect Father!

You may think that I shouldn’t worry about it since all humans are not perfect.  I am not unaware of my limitations as a mere human, but that shouldn’t stop me from trying my best.

What gives me a cause for concern is when my imperfections begin to show up in some ways that negatively affect the way I relate with friends, family and others alike. I am sure there are parents who feel that way too.

Understandably, my family – wife and kids – are the closest people to me. Those are the dearest people that look up to me for direction and for inspiration. But sometimes, it seems a daunting task to be all the best I could possibly be to them.

If you ask me what kind of dad I want to be, I would not hesitate to tell you that I would want to be a great one – in words and in deeds.

I want to be a happy father to my children and a happy husband to my wife. After all, a grumpy man would not make a good companion to anyone – family or not family. This is part of the reason I have realised that I should strive to always have my emotions under control.

As you know, someone gets hurt when negative emotions get out of hands. No matter the external pressures I face, I try to hold myself together in such a way that negative emotions such as depression, discouragement, anger, frustration, impatience and the likes do not run wild in me, to the detriment of my family or of any other person for that matter.

It has not always been easy to keep up with the expectation. But, I can always boldly say that the grace of God has been sufficient for me.

Recently I experience some moments of unhappiness over some dissatisfying situations around me. I became moody and it rubbed off on my wife. The result? Both of us became unhappy for a few days, negatively affecting our communication.

The situation might have gotten out of hand if we had not taken necessary steps to address it. Thanks to my wife, we were able to rise above that unhappy, moody feeling.

How did we do it?

We talked to ourselves and we talked to God too.

In talking to ourselves, we bridged the communication gap that was created by my moments of happiness. And in talking to God, we joined hands and prayed in faith over the issues that burdened us. Both actions gave us the needed reliefs.

As we rounded off the prayers, my eyes fell on my kids lying peaceably in their sleep. In a brief moment of reflection following the observation and in the light of my not-so-cheerful countenance in the previous few day, I found myself thinking aloud to the hearing of my wife:

My Love, we cannot afford not to be happy as parents.  We need to be a good example to these boys.

My wife nodded in total agreement.

My desire is that our children will grow up seeing a healthy and happy relationship between my wife and I. I hope that they will see us as a veritable example for them to emulate.

It seems logical to think that unhappy parents may not be able to raise happy children. And I don’t want to be caught in that web. That’s why I wish to ask the question here, Can unhappy parents raise happy children?”

What’s your take please?

©CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne

Dad, You Can’t Disown Your Son; Son Neither Can You!

Why a father and a son should not disown each other.

Some parents often use unkind words on their children, without caring much about the negative effects such words have on them. Researches have shown that yelling at children or speaking harshly to them negatively affects their self-esteem.

Apart from speaking unkind words and yelling at their children, some parents go as far issuing unnecessary threats too. For example, imagine a dad who lashed at his son in a very strong voice, “….I will disown you.”

That’s really unfair to the child! Forget whether the dad meant it or not, that’s not the issue here now. We know that many angry parents who threaten to disown their children never get to do so. But why use such a threat?

 Truth be told, when a parent threatens to disown a child over some irregular behaviour, or for whatever reason, what comes to the fore more is the lack of a good sense of responsibility on the part of the parent than the foolishness of the child.

Apart from the negative psychological effects such words have on the child, such threats also cast some doubts on the level of maturity of the man as a father. I say this because a mature, patient and responsible parent should know better ways to handle his child’s misdeeds than to issue a threat to disown him or her over such behaviour.

An average teenager does not like to be threatened; parents ought to know better.

Truth be told, when a parent threatens to disown a child over some irregular behaviour, or for whatever reason, what comes to the fore more is the lack of a good sense of responsibility on the part of the parent than the foolishness of the child. Why would a parent contemplate disowning his own biological child, under any circumstance? Bring up any reason and I will tell you that it is not acceptable.

 Whether your dad lives up to your expectation or not, he is still your dad. You don’t even have the right to disrespect him, let alone repudiate his fatherhood.

Let me be frank with you, it is a mark of parental irresponsibility for a parent to disown his child over some unruly behaviour of the child. Parents should take full responsibility for a child’s behaviour. One way or another, parents contribute to whatever behaviour their children put up in life.

To the father, whether it appears so to you or not, your kid is yours forever; you are his dad and he is your son. Whether he behaves well or not, you belong to him and he belongs to you. I mean, he didn’t ask to be brought into the world; it was your choice and your decision. So as long as those words are true, you could not really disown him.

To the child, your dad is yours forever. It doesn’t matter that you were not consulted before he and your mum took the decision to birth you into the world. Do you realise at all that your dad was also not consulted before his own parents gave birth to him? So show some understanding with your dad, please. Whether your dad lives up to your expectation or not, he is still your dad. You don’t even have the right to disrespect him, let alone repudiate his fatherhood.

 It should go without saying that no matter happens, a father should not disown his own biological child, and neither should a child disown his dad.

Several years ago, I watched on TV as ace Nigerian comedian, Tariah Basorge Jnr, told the joke of two kinds of dads who threatened their boys that they would be disowned if they continued with some certain unacceptable behaviour. I can’t recap the story with the exact words he used, but the joke sounded something like this:

The first Dad, wealthy and elitist by all means, threatened his son, “James, if you continue with this type of behaviour, I will disown you.”

James, realizing he had done wrong, replies in an apologetic tone, “Dad, I am sorry. Please don’t disown me. I promise to behave better going forward.”

Second Dad, poor and struggling to earn a living, said to his own son, “John, if you continue with this type of behaviour, I will disown you.”

John, feeling his father’s threat was inconsequential responded, “Disown me? Of what use is it being your son anyway? In fact, I have ‘defathered’ you already. When, my teacher asked us to invite our parents to the school the other day for PTA meeting, did I invite you?”

No parent has any sufficiently justifiable basis to use the words, “I disown you” on his child.

Even though the story was meant to be a joke, the implication is very serious. It is really sad how a dad and a son’s relationship degenerated to the extent like that between John and his dad. The two scenarios paint different pictures worthy of further consideration.

First, James’s response may be considered good enough whereas his father’s threat was as inappropriate as that of John’s father. But John’s response is condemnable by all means. That’s irresponsibility on his part!

All the same, it should go without saying that no matter happens, a father should not disown his own biological child, and neither should a child disown his dad. While I am not trying to say that parents should condone unruly behaviour of their children, it must be stated that parents should not use some kind of negative words on their kids.

When it comes to addressing the misdeeds of a child, a parent should never use “I disown you” on the child. Similarly, when a child comes face to face with the shortcomings of his parent, he should never use “I disown you” on the old block. No parent has a sufficiently justifiable basis to use such words. And no child should say that to any of his parents either.

What do you think? Leave a comment.

 

 

©Copyright 2015 – Victor Uyanwanne