As someone said, communication is the lifeblood of any marriage. But it must added that such communication has to be positive, constructive and productive.
Truth be told, some communications can drain the life out of any healthy relationship. In this post, we will examine some forms of such communication that are not so healthy to engage in marriage.
If good communication improves the health of marriage, then obviously, bad communication destroys it. Nothing less than wholesome, intentional, positive and productive communication should be promoted within a loving marriage relationship.
All the same, there are spouses who may be inadvertently involved in improper communications with each other. It is my belief that being aware of these kinds of communication that destroy marriages will help you not to engage in them so that the happiness and health of your marriage will be protected.
To that extent, I present to you 3 kinds of communication that may destroy your marriage, with the hope that you will learn not to engage in them:
- Silence communication
- Inadequatee communication
- Negative communication
Let us now take a closer look at each of the stated types of communications:
1. Silence communication
On the surface, it would appear that “silence communication” as being used here is an oxymoron, contradicting in terms. But it is not – especially if you think of it in terms of nonverbal communications.
Silence in itself is not the total absence of communication. But it is a form of communication as well.
Through the use of words, you do communicate in any relationship. But you can sometimes do the same without necessarily using words – by the use of silence. That’s why they say, for instance, that “silence means consent.”
In marriage however, silence may not always mean consent, pleasure or happiness; it can mean discontentment, unhappiness, disapproval, indifference, ignorance, bruised ego, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, displeasure, concealed anger, etc.
But the fact still remains that even when you keep silent, you are still communicating something. The question then will be whether or not your silence is serving the proper purpose.
Sadly, “silence communication” can result in miscommunication and misunderstanding.
It is true that silence may be desirable at times, especially when you need to douse some apparent tensions. But do not allow prolonged silence communication to fester between you and your spouse, neither should you subject your partner to the so-called “silent treatment.” Such will not augur well for the health of your beautiful marriage.
Whenever you notice unwholesome silence communication in your relationship, be the one to break the ice (in a positive way). This is because continuous silence communication between you and your spouse will have a negative effect on the health of your marriage. Therefore, use “silence communication” wisely.
2. Inadequate communications
Understand that inadequate communication is poor communication whether in marriage or outside of it. Poor communication will in turn result in poor understanding and ultimately in conflict and misunderstanding. And persistent conflict between you and your spouse is not good for the health of your marriage.
Have you ever felt that your partner is not open to discussing all issues with you? Or you know he or she is deliberately withholding vital information from you? If your answer is yes, then you may be experiencing inadequate communication in your marriage.
It is also inadequate communication if your spouse can use more information than you are willing and open to communicate with him or her. What that means is that you are withholding information from your partner without his or her consent. And that’s not right. If your spouse is the one withholding information from you, it is also not right.
More often than not, inadequate communication can result in serious misunderstanding between you both, and consequently to unhealthy conflict that puts the union at risk.
In marriage you should be free to talk about anything and everything with your spouse. Such communication should be proactive, intentional, regular and adequate.
3. Negative communication
Ever heard the saying that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing?” That shows that it may be more beneficial sometimes to maintain silence than to say unpalatable things – to your spouse, for example.
Well, while not encouraging silence communication in marriage, it is better to avoid negative communication all together. Negative communications will produce negative effects.
Negative communication such as uncomplimentary remarks about your spouse and unending doses of unconstructive criticisms will not improve the good-health of your marriage. Your spouse may feel disrespected or unvalued if your communication always come across to them as negative. On the other hand, you will come across as caring, loving, friendly and considerate if your communications are always positive.
If you communicate negatively with your spouse long enough, he or she will begin to resent you, leading to emotional disconnection between you both. There is no future for any marriage where the partners do not share a strong intimate emotional bonding.
We will then conclude that silence communication is not good. Inadequate communication is not good enough. And negative communication is not good at all.
Your marriage will be negatively affected if you engage in any of the above communications long enough. Therefore, it is better to avoid these kinds of communication that destroy marriages.
What other kinds of communications do you think can destroy a marriage?
©Copyright 2017 | Victor Uyanwanne