Merry Christmas from all of us to you.
Merry Christmas to you.
Happy new year in advance.
More blessings to you ahead.
I know some of you know Me already.
But many of you are yet to know Me personally.
You must have heard about Me before.
As my Name is regularly called amongst the nations.
I can see you feel happy this special season.
And I really like that… but you deserve much more.
I can feel the special and colourful atmosphere.
Pervading across many lands around the world.
The special emphasis on love and giving this season.
The special music playing in homes and malls for the same reason.
The beautiful decorations all around are all noticed.
All is well and good and appreciable.
You say it’s about a Baby that was born by a virgin.
You are right; it happened several centuries ago.
But do you know I Am that Baby?
Much more than that… I am the Lord and Saviour.
You commemorate My birthday yearly at Christmas.
Celebrating it by all means and ways possible.
Eating the best of meals and drinking the best of wines.
Exchanging gifts amongst yourselves.
You and everyone seem to be happy.
As you spend your time and money.
Visiting people and visiting places.
And throwing parties here and there.
You do all that because of Me?… fine!
But do you know what I really I want from you?
I mean, am I not the One you are celebrating?
At Least I should get a special gift from you!
But do you know the gift I ask of you?
I don’t really want your money.
I don’t want your sacrifices either.
I don’t want whatever you have to give.
You care to know what I really want from you?
I will tell you once again and again:
I want you to know Me personally.
That’s what I really want from you.
You can begin by giving Me your life.
I have given Mine to you already.
That was why I was born, you know!
That was why I lived and died!
Yes, I am the One you celebrate His birth at Christmas.
I am the “Reason for the Season.”
In case you haven’t noticed it before.
My name (Christ) is the main part of Christmas.
Yes, I am Christ the anointed One.
I am Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Son of God.
I was born, I lived, and I died for you.
All I want is for You to know Me personally.
I knew you before you were born.
I invite you to come and know Me now.
So we can be together forever in glory.
Through this life and the one to come.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
The birth of baby Jesus was not an ordinary event. In His birth, divinity became humanity. It was the beginning of the unfolding of the grandest heavenly agenda in bringing salvation to mankind.
Jesus was not an ordinary man that lived. He was the God-incarnate. As we celebrate His birth at Christmas, let’s remember some of the things about the baby or the man Jesus that changed the world.
Mary the mother of Jesus was a virgin when she got pregnant with baby Jesus.
The conception of Jesus did not take the usual union of the male sperm with the female ova. He was supernaturally conceived through the power of the Holy Spirit of God. This is the most unique conception in the history of mankind.
And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. Luke 1:35.
The birth of Jesus Christ by a virgin was not a chance occurrence. It was a miraculous event in fulfillment of a divine prophecy given several years before He was born.
Notable Prophet Isaiah had spoken well ahead of time:
Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: the virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14.
Not only was the virgin birth of Jesus prophesied, His name, Immanuel (Hebrew) or Emmanuel (Roman) was also revealed long before He was born. As Prophet Isaiah stated, “…The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.”
“God with us,” that’s the meaning of Emmanuel. God had to take on the form of man, to be with man to be able to save mankind. Hence Jesus had to be born on Earth like a baby.
When it was time for the fulfillment of the promise, an angel announced to the ‘highly favoured’ Mary, “And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS” Luke 1:31.
Jesus is Saviour. His name revealed His purpose: to save the world from sin. An angel also later confirmed the Isaiah prophecy to Jesus’ would-be-earthly-father, Joseph, saying:
And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins” Matthew 1:21.
Apostle Matthew further educates us saying, “Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.” Matthew 1:22-23.
Apart from the divine promise of Jesus’ birth, angels announced His birth when it took place.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:9-11.
God gave His Son to the world to show that He loves the world. As recorded in the gospel according to John,
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Jesus was born to be the Saviour of the world. To be Saviour He had to die for the sins of the world. At Christmas, we celebrate His birth and at Easter, His death and resurrection.
Speaking about His then impending death, Jesus said, “The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him….” Matthew 26:24a.
What was written about Jesus in this regard? The New Living Translation of the same verse makes it clear:
For the Son of Man must die, as the Scriptures declared long ago…
Babies are born to fulfill their purposes in their lifetime. But it was in Jesus’ death and resurrection that He fulfilled the ultimate purpose of His birth – the redemption of mankind.
“In order to save the world, Jesus had to die for it. He came and lived the perfect life and then died the death we should have died. The true meaning of Christmas is that Jesus was born to die. Because He was crucified and then rose from the dead, forgiveness of sin and assurance of heaven is now offered to all who believe” (John 1:12) – Richard Dehaan.
Men are born, they live, they die and they remain dead. But Jesus was born, He lived, He died and resurrected. He is alive forevermore.
The living Jesus proclaims:
I [am] he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death. Rev. 1:18.
The baby Jesus that was born by a virgin, Mary, lived and died but resurrected. He is alive forevermore giving eternal life to all that comes to Him.
And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any [man] pluck them out of my hand. John 10:28.
Jesus was more than a baby. He is the God-incarnate. As the Saviour of the world, in Him lies the eternal hope of mankind. Remember that as you celebrate this Christmas.
If you like this article, feel free to share with your friends on Facebook, Twitter. WhatsApp, Google+, etc.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Background Post: 16 Sobering Things Every Atheist Should Know
This is the second post in the series, conversations with atheists. In the first post, we saw the comment of an atheist who claimed he is not destined for the love of God. Here in the second post, we will explore the conversations with another commentator to the referenced post, 16 Sobering Things Every Atheist Should Know .
During my interactions with him, he asked what came across like honest questions. So I was obliged to respond to him as much as I could.
Please enter the conversation (it is a bit long please).
This is just my opinion but what a terrible and hurtful post.
I mean what happens to the less fortunate in life who have to deal with the ‘devils temptations’ on a day to day basis compared to the person who is wealthy and rarely troubled in practical terms. I mean a young person living in an impoverished third world country cannot be judged the same as a middle class Londoner and if that’s the case I disagree strongly.
I mean if I was a small child and a group of people burst into my home and killed my brother, raped my mother and sister and burned my village and turned me into a child soldier would I be judged the same throughout my life as someone who works as shop assistant in a grocery store in London. How does that work? Surely there’s going to be some issues there regarding level playing field.
Not to get all judgemental or anything but God doesn’t even seem like that nice a thing to be honest. He seems like a mystical dictator representing thug life and using life as a playground. I demand I go to ‘hell’ consider it my protest. I mean c’mon, god seriously needs to get his house in order.
Would you say anything about god is dubious or questionable? I personally hate how it plays on fears we all might have and frankly I just don’t have time for it. If you don’t believe in god, are you able to love? God is love, what even is that? I mean These are the kind of statements you hear during a weekend spent taking hallucinogens.
I feel we all have a god of sorts inside us that is our morality, standards, aspiration etc… A life-long developing mentality.
How can anyone know god exists? I accept you can believe of course but this post is something else.
I don’t really believe in anything, I guess there could be a higher power of sorts out there, maybe not. Who actually knows?
Have a great day:)
Hi G, thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate that you had to share your ‘opinion’ as you called it. But I feel that probably a few things weren’t clear to you.
Of course, there is a ‘Higher power’ as you chose to call Him. But we know Him as God, the creator of Heaven and Earth. Whether you believe in Him or not doesn’t take away anything from His existence, because He is all sufficient by Himself. But it is in your best interest to believe in Him.
In any case, you seem not to know anything about Him as you painted Him a wicked ‘man’ which He is not. I will like to introduce Him to you as a loving Father who loves you so much He made a provision for the redemption of your soul. Or haven’t you ever wondered what you would do about your sins?
Of course, anyone can know that God exists – including you. Because anyone who seeks God with all His heart will find Him. Many people around the world have found Him and so can you!
What He wants from you now is to have a personal relationship with Him through His son Jesus Christ. Feel free to let me know if you want to know how this works.
In response to the issue on judgment you raised, I will tell you one thing: God will not judge anyone based on whether you lived (as you put it) in London or in some third world country or any other part of the world for that matter. His judgment will be based on the simple but vital question “Did you accept or reject the grace of salvation which I (God) offered to the world through Jesus Christ?.”
It will be an individual thing and everyone will answer for himself; you will answer the same question too. And your lifetime is your only opportunity to decide on that.
You have a nice day too!
I see but surely one’s decisions will be greatly influenced by what has happened in one’s life. Like I am going to find it a lot more difficult to accept salvation if one has been tested in far more hurtful ways and a tougher environment than say another.
Thanks for the reply.
G, I agree with you that one’s experiences in life may affect his decisions. That’s understandable. But having experienced a hard life doesn’t mean one cannot accept salvation. In fact, there are several people whom it was their suffering/hardship that led them to accept salvation. When they found that they reached their end, they decided to seek God and got help.
Jesus Christ actually made a special invitation to everyone experiencing burdens in life. He promised them rest they can’t find anywhere else (Matthew 11:28).
But one should not actually wait until he reaches a dead end before coming to God. In any case, whether one has a good/easy or a hard life on earth now, everyone needs God. No exceptions.
Also someone born closer to the time the events of christ etc… took place are going to have a much easier time having faith than those born thousands of years later. It seems like such an uneven playing field.
In an ideal world, it would be great to be able to believe in a just fair god but if god said such and such is wrong and that such and such is right would that be the way no questions asked because it is the will of god?
I mean what about women’s role in the society (what’s that all about!), the LGBT community who just want to be happy or dietary stuff. In terms of how out of touch God is with the world, it amazes me when the bible I think says that if you lust after a woman you see on television you have committed adultery, seriously? What do you think about these?
If anything god really lacks foresight as the world has developed to the extent that it is nearly impossible to adhere to his laws.
To me, he is a dictator with some proper disturbing views that maybe was a sign of the times but still.
For example, how would you interpret the following?
“Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves”.
G, I appreciate your time here. So I will try to answer your questions to the best of my knowledge. (Pardon the lengthy words please):
Thanks for your time.
What do you think?
Every body needs to have self-confidence – that “feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.” Not much progress can be made by a life ravaged by self-doubt, especially if you are a young person.
Earlier in the year, I had the privilege of being invited to speak to a group of Christian youths. The talk centred on building self-confidence as a Christian youth. This post presents an excerpt from the things I shared with those beautiful young minds.
As a Christian youth, don’t be a law-breaker. Live righteously and you will have no course to bury your head in shame. Provide 28:1 tells us that “The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion.”
There is a kind of self-confidence that comes from living a righteous life that you can’t get by any other means. In other words, living righteously makes you bold. You cannot afford to live your life anyhow. The word of God should be your ultimate guide in life.
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. Psalm 119:9.
Obedience to the word of God will help you build your self-esteem. David boldly said, “… I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands,” Psalm 119:6.
As a Christian youth, how do you see yourself? How you see yourself will affect your level of confidence.
Remember that you are a son or a daughter of the most-high God. Do not harbour thoughts that undermine this lofty position of yours.
You know what the Bible says: As a man thinks in his heart, so is he (Prov. 23:7). We can paraphrase this to read, “As a youth thinks in his heart so is he.”
When it comes to building your self-confidence as a Christian youth, it matters how you see yourself. If you see yourself as a nonentity, you will carry yourself as one. If you see yourself as a beloved child of God, you naturally feel that way.
You should have a positive image of who you are. If you always think negatively about yourself, your self-esteem will be low and your confidence level will be low too.
Focus on who you are in Christ. That’s your most important identity. Don’t let anything else define you. Irrespective of your socioeconomic status, remember that Christ in you is the hope of glory.
As a Christian youth, you can’t feel confident about yourself dressing in a sloppy way. Let your dressing be always on point and you will have one more reason to feel confident. As the late Archbishop Benson Idahosa once advised, “Dress the way you want to be addressed.”
You don’t have to dress outlandishly to prove a point. Dress neatly and smartly. Even the Bible says, “wash your clothes,” (Numb 21:24), so personal cleanliness should be taken seriously.
This is a challenge to be excellent in whatever you do. Excel in your studies, in your career or vocation. Whatever your hands find to do as a Christian youth, do them well. Don’t find an excuse to be lazy or be mediocre.
Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean [men]. Proverbs 22:29
You have what it takes to excel in life. The Spirit of God is in you. The wisdom of God is accessible to you. The power of God is available to you.
The wheel of progress is largely driven by knowledge. As a Christian youth in this information age, do not be left behind in the quest for relevant knowledge.
Know your scriptures and know more than the scriptures too. Whether it is history or sciences, know more than the average person. Refuse to be a pushover…
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 2Timothy 2:15.
As much as you can, gather knowledge; read voraciously, study widely, research deeply and attend relevant seminars. Do everything within your power to be knowledgeable in at least one or two areas of endeavour.
Always be in the know. You have heard that knowledge is power. Knowledge gives you an edge. Let me add that knowledge boosts confidence too.
How else can a Christian youth build self-confidence? Please share and leave a comment.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Lord, no matter how I feel
Help me to always do Your will.
The only way I can show You love
Is to obey your laws from above.
I often want to go my way
But in the process I go astray.
So Lord deliver me from myself
I am better off with Your good Self.
In every of my life’s unfolding story
Let my eyes see Your true glory.
And no matter what I go through
Help me to stay faithful to You.
Even when the storms of life rage on
Give me the needed power to move on.
I trust You are up to something
‘Cos without You I can do nothing.
It’s written that as you’re with Jesus
So You promised to always be with us.
Let the wind blow hard and rough
Your strength has made me tough.
I believe all things’ll work out good
Because by me You firmly stood.
In You, I could never be a loser
You’ve made me more than a winner.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
You will often do what matters to you. In other words, the traceable patterns of what you do over a long period of time paint a vivid picture of your most dominant inner inclinations.
Let me share with you three simple things you do that show what you consider important to you.
1. What you spend your time on.
What you regularly spend your time on indicates what interests you or matters more to you. Where you often spend your time tells alot about where your heart is. How you spend your time demonstrates something about your dominant passion.
You can’t control time but you can control what you use it for. You can use your time to your advantage or to your disadvantage.
You use it to advantage if you use it on things you value. Because time is not available to you in unlimited quantity, it is imperative that you use it wisely. One of the best ways of doing that is to use your time for things that matter in the long run.
Take a proper look at the things you spend your time doing. Ask yourself, “Are they really worth it?” If not, then you will have to make some changes that will involve reordering your priorities.
2. What you spend your money on.
You will not spend your hard-earned money on sh*t except you value it. Just like time, you do not have unlimited amount of money. Therefore, you will often want to spend your money on the things that give you the most value. (Of course, I assume you are a wise spender).
Even if I don’t know you before, if you show me your bank statement and/or your expense records, it will not take long for me to figure out the things that matter to you. Except you spend your money under duress, most often than not, your expenses will flow in the same direction as your interests and aspirations. In order words, what you spend money on often is an indication of what matters to you.
Now is the time to review your expense records to see if you have been spending money on things that do not matter to you. You know what to do after the check!
3. The company you keep.
Just like everyone else, you like to be in the company of the people you love and people that love you or people that share your values. As they say, “Birds of a feather always flock together.
Only a few people will consistently hang out with the wrong crowd. If you are in any crowd, it should not take long to figure out whether you are a ‘misfit’ or not. This realisation will either prompt you to blend in or to retrace your steps.
The people you are willing and glad to hang out with are pointers to your interests and aspirations. If you have interest in music, I will not be surprised to see you hang around ‘musical’ people both online and physically. I often find myself ‘following’ bloggers and other writers because of interest.
Are the people you hang out with leading you in the direction of your goals? If your answer is ‘no’, then you are in the wrong company.
What you frequently spend your money on, what you regularly do with your time and the kind of company you keep are good indicators of what matters to you. You may want to retrace your steps if you find that where you are presently on these three patterns do not represent your long term values or objectives.
What do you think?
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Earlier in the year, I published 16 Sobering Things Every Atheist Should Know. It was a sequel to a previous blog, To Those Who Say There Is No God. Both posts were specifically written with atheists in mind. And as expected they elicited all manner of reactions from people, especially avowed atheists.
Some of the discussions that followed To Those Who Say There Is No God, have been previously published in the series When You Encounter An Atheist For The First Time. Beginning with this post, we shall be starting a new series titled Conversations With Atheists.
The purpose of the series will be to highlight some important parts of the online interactions I had with some people who commented on 16 Sobering Things Every Atheist Should Know, with a view to opening up the issues for further discussions and impressions here and beyond.
But first, we will need to take a look at some extracts from that referenced background post:
Many WordPress bloggers liked the post. But there were some readers that didn’t, as indicated by their comments. The comments and my responses to them will form the basis of Conversations With Atheists Series.
Needless to say, some of the comments from the professed atheists who responded are too abusive and unsavoury to be reposted here. We will therefore make do with extracts from some of the ‘reasonable’ conversations. (But if you don’t mind reading the largely offensive vituperations of the militant atheists that invaded my corner of WordPress as a result of that post, you may want to refer to the comment section of the original post).
Let the conversations begin with this reader/commentator who felt that he is not destined for the love of God
I don’t really know what I was expecting when I opened this page. But I have to admit I wasn’t expecting this.
This posts makes precisely no attempt to meet atheists at common ground or to have a message that might resonate or anything. It’s just an opportunity taken to preach, claimed to be aimed at atheists but very much written in the language that could rightly make someone think other religious people were the audience; almost literally preaching to the choir.
Surely you have encountered the basic point that the Bible is only convincing to people who already believe…
I don’t mean this to come of rude, but I think it would benefit your writing for atheists if you actually take a moment to really think about the message you want to send, instead of just threatening them with Hell (which they don’t believe in) and telling them they’re wrong (they already know you disagree with them and so would say that).
Thank you for reading and commenting. The purpose of the post was to present the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as it is to the atheists, not to establish a common ground as you expected.
… The issue of Hell is not a threat (I thought I mentioned that in the post) as you took it to be. It is an avoidable terrible future reality I tried to mention in love. The fact that you don’t believe in it doesn’t preclude its existence.
But wait a minute, let me be a bit curious: how come it was the mere mention of hellfire that caught your attention more than the love of God for you as explained in the post?
I’m not currently destined for the love of God.
My understanding is that God loves us all, including you! So I would like to ask you why you feel “not currently destined for the love of God.”
First of all, to avoid patronising conversation later on, I want to point out that I am having this conversation from within the Christian narrative, even though I don’t accept it as true. That’s probably too obvious to need pointing out, but I’ve had the ‘atheists can’t talk about that stuff’ argument used against me before.
Anyway, I’m going to be sent to Hell by virtue of not being able to believe: (1) a God exists; (2) a human sacrifice is a good thing; (3) perfection was ever a reasonable expectation of a person.
The death of Jesus Christ was a perfect sacrifice, without which the redemption of the human race would have been impossible. It is however not an approval for human sacrifice as you suggested.
God raised Jesus from death and He is alive forever. Therein lies the eternal hope of all men, including you.
Food for thought.
What do you say?
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Many people know that divorce is very devastating. But some people will still end up walking that way. In the long run, it does more harm than good to the couples involved, to the children produced by the broken union and to the society in general.
No troubled marriage is irredeemable, especially yours, if you believe in God. With the cooperation of the couples involved, even the most hopeless marriage can be restored to health and happiness. Rather than taking the divorce option, couples who have marital challenges should find a way of working things out between them.
If you want your marriage to work, you will find a reason to stay in it. But if your mind is made up on filing for a divorce, you will also find a ‘good’ reason to do so. Whatever you want to do, you will find an excuse for it.
Recently, I suggested on this blog that couples who want to make their marriage work, should shut the door on divorce. As relatively unpopular as that advice was, it is not something I would want to change my mind on, neither should you if you are committed to the ideals of having a marriage that works.
One of the greatest joys of a marital union is the children produced in the marriage. Divorce is not one of the ways to increase that joy. On the contrary, divorce will limit the chances of happiness of the children from that union.
I cannot find a good reason to believe that children from divorced marriages make happier people in the society than children that grew into adulthood having parents who stayed together in their marital unions. Shouldn’t all children be given the benefit of having both of their parents in their lives together in the same union forever? In my opinion, they should because it is their right!
A broken marriage will cause emotional trauma for the children from the union and may have the ripple effect of setting them on the wrong courses in life. Can’t you make the necessary sacrifice to avoid that?
You cannot think of making a society work better, if you are not open to the idea of making your marriage work. The values you uphold in the society are often a reflection of the values you have established from home. A healthy marriage is a fertile ground for nurturing good moral values in children. And that’s what every child deserves!
I am not suggesting that your marriage must be perfect to be able to meet the mark. That will be asking for too much because neither you nor your spouse involved in the union are perfect in yourselves. But the point has to be made that despite your perceived imperfections, you can still find the lasting glue that sticks you to each other, rather than grasping unto the divisive wedge that pushes you both apart.
Give or take, the santity of the union should not be jeopardised by either you or your spouse through divorce, at least for the sake of your children. You don’t want to cause heartache for yourselves as well as your kids.
As at the time I began to write this piece, a short remark which suggested that 80% of divorce suits are filed by woman, appeared on my twitter timeline. A further research into the claim showed that a different source puts it at a lower rate of 60%, while yet another source shoots it up to as high as 90% (amongst educated women).
Does that mean that women are the prime architects of divorce in marriages? It is not the purpose of this post to explore that question. But beyond the seemingly lobsided ratio of women to men who files for divorces, it would be instructive to know the real reason spouses file for divorce.
The Hidden Reason People Seek Divorce
There are many reasons a couple may seek divorce. Those reasons can come in different shades and colours: incompatibility, infidelity, broken trust, physical or emotional abuse, diminishing love, financial stress, etc. But the root of it all is selfishness.
That’s right! Selfishness – that excessive concern “for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of other” – is the main reason a spouse would file for divorce. Most marriages will work if selfishness is taken out from the hearts of the married couples.
As I said earlier, if your mind is fixated on getting a divorce, you will often find a ‘suitable’ ground to do so. But before you serve the divorce papers to your spouse, please think of your children- the divine products of the marital union you are about to break up. (This assumes that you have children).
Why should you consider your children before you file for divorce?
The answer to that question my friend, is the fundamental purpose of this post. In exploring that question further, first, I will like to draw from the lessons in the story of Gerty as recently published on Joseyphina’s World. (Thank you Joseyphina for your kind permission to use extracts from that story).
Second, I will then offer my own thoughts as well.
Enter the Story of Gerty
According to Joseyphina, Gerty’s “childhood was plagued by a nasty divorce between her parents.” The negative effect of the divorce on Gerty, loudly echoes the sentiments that inspired this post, namely, that many couples would give up the idea of divorce if they would spare some quality thoughts on the negative impact divorce will have on on their children.
How did Gerty’s Parents’ Divorce Affect Her?
1. Confusion caused by custody issues
Joseyphina tells us that Gerty “grew up confused about whom to love since as per the custody arrangement, she was to stay with her mother during school days and be with her father during the holidays.” In the process, “Each parent took any chance he/she got to badmouth the other to her.”
2. Automatic membership of Association of Children from broken homes.
Gerty became an unwilling statistic added to the children from broken homes association. As they say, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Naturally, Gerty’s closest “friends also had divorced or separated parents.”
In school, Gerty and her friends “would spend their break time talking about what their parents told them about each other and how life sucked for them all.”
3. Lost of faith in marriage and procreation.
Because of her parents failed marriage, Gerty begins to feel there is no use for her to get married in future. “What is the use of falling in love, getting married, and then ending up getting divorced,” she wondered.
She even decided that if she eventually got married, she would not have children so as to avoid custody battles like it happened with her.
4. Burden of guilt
Gerty couldn’t be completely sure why her parents got divorced. But “a part of her felt that she was the reason behind it.” Right or wrong, Gerty goes about in life carrying this heavy burden of guilt of the divorce action of her parents.
5. Rendered an ‘Orphan’ unduly.
“Gerty later found herself as an orphan of some sorts when both parents remarried. She felt out of place in either one’s new matrimonial home. Both spouses gave her the ‘the issue out of divorce’ look. Both of them had found other people to love but she was the one who lost it all.” What a pity!
Do you want your children to experience the pains of their parents’ divorce like Gerty did? I hope not! That is why I am telling you to consider the wellbeing of your children before you yield to the temptation or pressure to file for divorce.
Child-raising is already a difficult job by itself. Divorce will make it more complicated. I know a single parent can raise children. But having both parents do it in the same marital union will make the job easier.
Divorce will devastate your children. As we said earlier, it can result to a lifelong emotional damage to them.
Children from broken homes are the most vulnerable to all sorts of ills in life: drug abuse, juvenile delinquency, sexual abuse, teenage pregnancy, depression, low self-esteem and so on. My dear reader, as much as it it depends on you, please save your children the pain, the burden or the guilt of divorce.
Your children deserve the love and care of both of their parents in the same marital union. Don’t deny them that right because of your selfish reasons by taking the option of divorce. Remember, if you can find an excuse to sue for divorce, you can also find a reason (your children, for instance) to stay in the marriage – and make it work.
What do you think?
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
If you take pleasure in celebrating my errors more than my excellence, you are not a friend.
If you delight in talking down on me and you never get to talk about my good qualities, you are not a friend.
If you see me on the road to hell and you secretly wish that I go through it to the end, you are not a friend.
If you rejoice when I am sad and you are unhappy when I succeed, you are not a friend.
If you paint me well in my face and you stab me at my back, you are not a friend.
If my joy makes you sad and my cry makes you smile, you are not a friend.
If you believe when they tell you I am bad and you doubt when they say I am good, you are not a friend.
If you love me when I see you and you hate me when I don’t see you, you are not a friend.
If you stay close when the weather is fair, but you run away when I’m in a storm, you are not a friend.
If you say ‘cheers’ in my face and you say ‘jeers’ at my back, you are not a friend.
If you call me when you need me and you don’t answer when I call you, you are not a friend.
If you wish that I fall so that I cannot rise above you, you are not a friend.
If you hate to love me or love to hate me you are not a friend.
If you always tell me sweet lies instead of the bitter truth, you are not a friend.
If you see nothing good in me and neither think greatness of me, you are not a friend.
If you see me take poison and you urge me on with pleasure, you are not a friend.
If you vilify me in order to make you appear a hero, you are not a friend.
If you lie against me to make you look good, you are not a friend.
If you share in all my secrets, but you never share any of yours with me, you are not a friend.
If you think ill of me and never wishes me well, you are not a friend.
Someone is not your friend, if ……?
Share your thoughts in the comment section.
Consultants possess expertise in their given fields. They are often willing to help out in solving other peoples’ problem if they are engaged for that purpose, usually at a fee. Consultants can help you or your business:
As good as they may be, no consultant is all-knowing and all-powerful; they are often limited by the level of their knowledge, trainings and experiences in life. But the Holy Spirit does not suffer from any limitations. His wisdom is unfathomable and His power is limitless.
The Holy Spirit has been given to you by God as your ever-available Internal Resource. That means you can have Him as your personal Consultant to help you clarify issues, make better decisions, solve problems and improve your overall personal efficiency and effectiveness in life.
What is your relationship with the Holy Spirit like? Do you see Him as your biggest Partner in progress? Don’t you think your relationship with Him can be better than it is right now?
Several years ago as a new believer in Christ Jesus, I read Dr. David Yonggi Cho’s Holy Spirit My Senior Partner. In that book, Dr. Cho shared how he had been walking in close relationship (or partnership as he put it) with the Holy Spirit in his ministry and life.
He talked about the need to depend on the leading of the Holy Spirit for best results in our lives and circumstances. For instance, as a young preacher then, he said he would never stand before the congregation to preach to them except he had received a specific message from the Holy Spirit to share with the people.
That way, he was able to preach timely messages that met the specific needs of someone in his audience. It is not surprising then that Dr. Cho refers to the Holy Spirit as his senior Partner.
Just like Cho, all believers in Christ can have a meaningful partnership with the Holy Spirit at their individual levels. The good news is that He is already a willing and competent Partner, just waiting for us to engage Him. That is why He is in us in the first place!
As I examined the Bible Scriptures over the years, it has become very clear to me what role the Holy Spirit should play in my life as a Christian. He is my:
But whether I am completely depending on Him to be all He should be in my life is a different matter altogether. I know the story is not too different for many believers I have come across over the years in my Christian journey.
Truth be told, all of us ought to be depending on the Holy Spirit for directions and guidance in life more than we are presently doing. We will suffer for it if we don’t. We will be happier if we do. For instance if you want the best results, you can use the leading of the Holy Spirit, in the following areas of your decision making:
There is no limit to the areas of guidance the Holy Spirit can give you. He is there for you in whatever aspect of your life – from the mundane to the spiritual.
Along this line recently, I read the personal testimony of Steve Sawyer wherein he referred to the Holy Spirit as his Internal Consultant. That expression embodies the spirit of this post. So I am borrowing those terms from him for the purpose of this discourse.
In that article, Sawyer explained that the Holy Spirit is His internal consultant because:
It is not hard to see that all the above points are in line with what the Bible tells us the Holy Spirit will do in our lives. He is the Spirit of Truth and He guides us into all truth. He is in us as the voice that tells us what to do if we will listen to Him.
In this complex world where you have to make important decisions, wouldn’t you want to have accurate guidance and direction in all areas of your life? That is possible if you make the Holy Spirit your Internal Consultant.
What do you say?
No matter who or how old you are
Know that you are surely a shining star.
No matter what you have been told.
Be happy, you are not yet too old.
Do not let your perceived old age
Make you feel like a bird in a cage.
That you have been around for a while
Is enough reason to make you smile.
You have seen many life’s seasons
That have given you multiple reasons
Which we see have made you wise
In yours, and in our youthful eyes.
Try and forget the pain of yester years
And your many treacherous days of tears.
Rejoice in the moments you have and now.
Please find out if you don’t know how.
To you Facebook may look like magic.
Without it doesn’t mean your life is tragic.
Even if all you ever knew was a real ‘picture book’.
Smile as your grandsons splash your pictures on Facebook.
You may not have known how to tweet
But hasn’t your life been very sweet?
Even if yours hasn’t been a life of ease
Be you not bitter to your grave, please.
Before you ultimately return to your Maker.
Or become an item for the undertaker
Endeavour to heal all known sores.
And seek not to settle old scores.
It is true you have come of age.
But don’t quit being happy at this stage.
Even though your journey has been bumpy
You are never too old to be happy.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
In your marriage, many things can happen that may ‘push’ you to want a divorce from your partner. But it’s best not to take that option. Your present marriage can still work out better for you and your spouse. That has been part of the goals of the towards a better marriage series we began a few weeks back.
As we conclude this special series, I am going to have to say this: if you truly want to see your marriage work, you should shut the door on divorce. Before you call me insensitive because I said that, you should at least hear me out.
I am aware that saying “no to divorce” is not a very popular thing to say these days. We live in a world where it has become easier or more acceptable for couples to walk away from their matrimonial homes, even at the slightest provocations. Whatever happened to commitment in marriage? (This is not an attempt to undermine those that have critical, life-threatening marital issues).
Second, I do not mean to condemn you if you have taken the divorce option already – I am not in a position to do so. But I believe I am free to put in a word or two on why a committed couple that wants to make their marriage work should shut the door on divorce. What you are committed to, you don’t give up on.
If you haven’t left this page by now, it gives me the feeling that you are still open to the idea of doing whatever is necessary to making your marriage work, as opposed to taking the divorce route. Let’s take a look at a few reasons I suggest you should not end your marriage just like that:
1. No marriage is irredeemable, including yours.
Irrespective of where you are on your downhill decent towards marital oblivion, know that your marriage is not beyond redemption. It is possible you are experiencing many problems in your marriage right now. But that doesn’t mean you should walk away from your marital vows just like that. Don’t give up on your marriage because marriage has not given up on you.
If you believe in God, neither the problems you face currently, nor the ones you will face in future, are insurmountable. With God, nothing is impossible – including saving a troubled marriage like yours. With the right doses of commitment, attitude and help, you can find solution to any of your marital challenges.
2. Divorce is not the best way to resolve marital issues.
There are many ways of resolving marital conflicts. Divorce is definitely not the best option. These series towards a better marriage were purposed to offer tips on finding greater joy and fulfilment in your marriage. Walking out of your marriage is not an option we recommend here.
3. Think of the impact of the divorce on your children, if you have any.
Procreation is one of the basic reasons for marriage. God made it in such a way that it takes a male and a female to procreate. But procreation is not the end of the story; the task of raising the children is there too.
Child-raising is already a difficult job by itself. Divorce will make it more complicated. We are all familiar with media reports on cases of juvenile delinquencies. Children from broken homes are the most vulnerable to such.
Your children deserve the love and care of both of their parents in the same marital union. Don’t deny them that right because of your selfish reasons by taking the divorce option. If you can find an excuse to sue for divorce, you can also find a reason (your children, for instance) to stay in the marriage – and make it work.
4. Just like your current spouse, there is no all-round-perfect partner out there.
I know your spouse is not perfect, neither are you. Why do you want to get a divorce? Is it to get married to a ‘better’ person? You may get the rude shock of your life because one thing is sure: there is no perfect spouse out there!
The best spouse is the one you are married to, not the one you plan to get married to after a divorce. The grass may appear greener on the other side, but that is not the way it is. It is illusionary to think that should you divorce your spouse, you would be happier with another partner. Some people realise that mistake way too late.
5. If you take the option of divorce and then remarry, you are likely to take the same option a second time and even a third or more times.
Let me guess what you are thinking after reading that: Victor, you are taking it too far. I don’t want to argue with you on that. We already said that divorce is not the best solution to marital crisis. So why don’t you do your best and make your current marriage work?
Getting a divorce now is not a guarantee that you will get to the promised land of marital fulfilment with a new spouse. The natural question I should ask you then will be: if you remarry after divorce and it turns out the marriage fails to work again, will you stay put in it or go through another round of divorce? Are you glad adding to the increasing statistics of multiple divorces? If your answer is yes, then I am afraid you have no business reading this post in the first place!
6. God hates divorce.
Divorce is permissible but it is not God’s best for you. God loves you but He hates divorce.
If you are His child already, remember that with your cooperation God can restore or heal your troubled marriage – no matter the kind of problem you might be experiencing. He has done it for a good number of people who exercised their faith in Him. He will be glad to help you too. Even if you don’t have a personal relationship with God yet, you can start one with Him right now by responding to the open invitation He has given you already:
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest
You think you are carrying heavy burdens in your marriage? You can talk to God about it. He is waiting for you.
P.S: There is love in sharing. If you like this article, please share it with your friends via any of the media platforms below.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
In our last post in the towards a better marriage series, we dwelt on the need for you to give your best in order to make your marriage work. Let’s add to it however, that only God can meet your spouse’s deepest needs, and yours too.
I assume your spouse loves you very much and is fully committed to meeting your needs. But no matter how much he/she is committed to you, realise that you have needs that only God can meet. For such needs, never expect your spouse to play the role of God!
The same thing applies to him/her too; there are needs he/she has that you cannot meet, no matter how hard you try.
Inside everyone is a void that no other human can satisfactorily fill. That is why you need God.
It is only God that can meet your deepest needs; it is only God that can meet all your heart’s longings. Your spouse may try, but he/she cannot satisfy you completely.
Your spouse is not a miracle worker, so don’t expect him/her to do everything for you and be everything to you, every time. Just like you, remember that he/she is human, subjected to the various limitations of being a flesh and blood entity.
Meeting your spouse’s deepest needs is God’s job. Don’t place the burden on your spouse
Your spouse can make you happy sometimes, but he/she cannot keep you happy all the time. He/she may want to do it, but he/she simply is incapable of doing it every time.
You set yourself up for disappointment and your spouse up for failure if you expect him/her to do the impossible for you. Next time you want a miracle, ask from God, not your spouse. By that I mean you should stop expecting your spouse to fill the void only God can fill.
Let’s help one another, what do you think are the needs of spouses that their partners cannot meet, that only God can meet? Please enter your suggestions in the comment section.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
I want to be your best friend
Now and till the very end.
Always being there for you
No matter what you go through.
I want to be there even when you mourn.
Whether in the night, noon or morn.
I will stick with you till tomorrow.
Sharing in your pain, joy and sorrow.
I want to be with you all the way
And not only for this passing day.
Cheering you on when your way is right
Or giving you a warning when it isn’t so bright.
I want to be your truest friend
Way beyond the farthest bend.
Giving you all the support you require
When to meet your goals, you aspire.
I want to be your friend and brother
Whenever, wherever and forever.
Infusing you with the power of hope
So that in adversity you can cope.
I want to be there when you need me.
For that’s where I was called to be.
So that as you play on in your game.
I’ll be in the grandstand to holler your name.
Count on me as a true friend forever.
I promise to never leave you, ever.
Whether you win or you lose.
To be with you I will choose.
Even when your adversaries roar.
I will always be there to help you soar.
Like the wind under the wings of the eagle.
I’ll help you overcome the struggle.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Satan was defeated before I was born.
But I didn’t know it until I was born again.
When Jesus was crucified, satan made the greatest mistake of his life.
And when Jesus arose from the dead, He striped satan of all his powers.
When I gave my life to Christ, satan lost the battle for my soul forever.
Now, I am more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus.
No to satan, yes to Jesus… forever!
Now I belong to “JESUS for LIFE!”
How about you?
First posted on my facebook wall on Sept. 19, 2014.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Things do not work until someone makes them work. Marriage is not an exception to that rule. If you want your marriage to work, you and your spouse must be fully committed to making it work by giving it all your best.
“Two people who decide to live together in a marriage situation have an obligation to make the marriage work for them.” With those wise words from Helen Reddy, I welcome you to the fifth post in the towards a better marriage series.
In making your marriage work, you will have to put in all your best. This is not a 50-50 or 60-40 contribution, but a 100% thing from each of you.
You already know that marital bliss doesn’t come by chance. Amongst other things, it will take hard work from you and your spouse to make it happen.
Realise that in marriage, both of you are on the same boat. You must put in your maximum rowing power if you hope to make it to the shore of marital success together.
There is no guarantee that you will have a happy marriage experience if you don’t put in all you’ve got into it. For instance, when it comes to giving the commitment, love and faithfulness, understanding, emotional, financial, spiritual support and all other kinds of support that a good marriage requires, give it all you’ve got – without any reservations whatsoever.
Don’t wait for your spouse to start putting his/her best in the marriage before you start giving yours. Be the example of the good character you want to see in your spouse.
In your marriage, be more of a giver than a taker. Imagine there is a marriage box containing all the secret ingredients that make a marriage work. You will have to replenish the stock more often than you take out from it. Otherwise, you will get to a point where nothing is left for you to enjoy.
There are many areas in marriage you are required to put in your best, all your best. For example, in loving your spouse, you should do it with all your heart. Doing that may appear to make you vulnerable to your partner. But don’t worry, love always wins. You will win too.
When it comes to walking in love, you can never get it wrong because love never fails.
Love accommodates everything.
A marriage that will work is the one where both you and your partners love each other, are fully committed, and are fully willing to put in your best to make it work.
If you want to have happiness, passion, intimacy, companionship, trust in your marriage, you have to put it there. Relationships take work, a lot of work and if you want to live a happy, beautiful and loving life next to your partner, you will both commit to making your marriage work. Always remember, relationships don’t work unless you do. ~ Luminita D. Saviuc
I am turning this post over to you now. Let us help one another by giving an outline of at least 20 areas where spouses need to put in their utmost best in order to make their marriages work. Please share your ideas in the comment section.
Still Ahead: Towards A Better Marriage 6: Stop expecting your spouse to fill the void only God can fill.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
You have had your years of tears.
Now welcome your season of cheers.
God knows and calls you by your name.
And He is not calling you to shame.
You have had your seasons of pains.
By faith receive your harvest of gains.
It could never be by might or sight.
But it is by your right in Christ.
You have been trying to be tough.
Because things have been so rough.
You have been going at a frantic pace.
It is time for you to rest in His grace.
Now Cheer up in your labour of love.
Help has come to you from above.
You may have been badly shaken up.
But this is not the time to give up.
Stand up, stand up for what is right.
And with all your heart fight.
Get ready and keep it steady.
By faith the battle is won already.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
All your choices in life will either bring you rewards or consequences. Accepting your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right is a good choice you must make if you want your marriage to bring you rewards of happiness and success.
This is the fourth part of our Towards a Better Marriage journey. In the last post in the said series, we said to whomever you got married has become the right spouse for you. In other words, you should accept your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right. That way, you would be able to team up with him/her to resolve any marital challenges that may cross your path.
If you are in a committed marriage relationship and you are also committed to seeing the marriage work, then you must see the person you got married to as your Mr/Mrs Right. The constant thinking that you made the wrong choice in picking your marriage partner, will hinder you from seeing many good things in your partner and in the marriage as well.
Eventually, if not properly handled, this may lead to unpalatable marriage experiences.
Here are five possible dire consequences of not accepting your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right:
There is no hope of marital success for any couple without much commitment to their union. If you are not convinced that your spouse is the right partner you will not be able to make the necessary commitment that will make the marriage work.
Commitment is a vital key required to make your marriage work. Without it, nothing worth the while will be achieved in the relationship. Without it, there is no future for the marriage.
Mutual love and understanding are important keys to marital survival! A marriage that is not founded on, and sustained by, love, will make the spouses miserable.
Needless to say, spouses should love each other. Accepting your spouse as the Mr/Mrs Right for you will make it easier for you to love him/her.
I am yet to see anyone who completely loves his/her mistakes. It goes to show that if you think you made a mistake in marrying your spouse, you will not be able to love him/her as much as you should do. And without love, marriage will be less enjoyable.
Once you are totally convinced that you made the wrong choice in selecting your marriage partner, what would stop you from making him/her the scapegoat for whatever problems that crop up in your marriage? Nothing!
Remember we earlier advised that you should not blame your spouse when marital challenges surface between you both. You won’t be able to keep that humble piece of advice if you think you made a mistake in marrying him/her in the first place.
Marriage should bring you some level of happiness and fulfilment in life. But it will take cooperation from you as well as from your spouse to make that happen.
Remember the popular saying, “marriage should be enjoyed, not endured?” You will not be able to enjoy or feel happy about your marriage if you see your spouse as the wrong partner.
The likelihood of divorce is higher in marriages where the spouses think they got married to the wrong persons as opposed to marriages with spouses who are convinced they chose the right partners.
If you are not committed to your marriage enough, you don’t love your spouse as much as you should, you blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong and you are miserable in the union, how would you be able to escape the temptation to walk out of the marriage? The point is, if you have not convinced yourself that you have not made any mistake in marrying your spouse, you may end up divorcing him/her.
If you have not already done so, it is important you recognise your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right. Failure to do so may hinder you from having a beautiful marriage experience.
You have read my thoughts. Please share yours in the comment section.
Still ahead: Towards A Better Marriage 5: Give Your Best To Make The Marriage Work.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Before you got married, you searched for your ever elusive Mr/Mrs Right. After you got married, do you think you made the right choice? Or, is your mind playing games with you that you made a mistake in your choice of spouse?
Welcome to the third post in the towards a better marriage series. In the introductory post, we talked about the fact that problems are inevitable in marriage. But it was also pointed out that your spouse is not the problem personified.
If you see your spouse as the problem in your marriage, you will end up blaming him/her anytime anything goes wrong in the relationship.
The blame game is not a pleasant game to engage in. That led us to the second post in the series: 6 Simple Reasons You Should Not Blame Your Spouse.
We saw that blaming your spouse does not solve the problem in your marriage; neither does it promote a healthy relationship between you both.
Two Types of Spouses in the World
There are two types of spouses in the world: those who are convinced that they made the right choice of marriage partners and those who are not convinced. Congratulations to you if you belong to the remarkable first category!
Even if you belong to the latter group, you don’t have to panic or give up on your marriage. Trust me, there is still hope for you. Irrespective of the circumstances surrounding your marriage, it is my hope that you will eventually get to the point where you will completely and wholeheartedly accept the person you got married to as your own Mr/Mrs Right.
Once you have properly married, it is self-deception to still be thinking that your Mr/Mrs Right is out there. No, he/she is not out there anymore, because I know where he/she is: in your house, in your life. Stop looking elsewhere!
Accept Your Spouse As Your Mr/Mrs Right
In this post, we will push further on the journey towards a better marriage experience by suggesting that you have to convince yourself that you have married the right person, even if you have ‘reasons’ to feel that you married the ‘wrong’ person. This is based on the twin premises that you are in a committed marriage and it is your goal to see things work out better between you and your spouse.
Is it achievable? I bet it is – with your cooperation of course! Come to think of it, it is really not fair to tell your spouse you made a mistake in marrying him/her. You shouldn’t be thinking or saying such, except you want your union to hit the rocks soon.
For instance, I have been married for five years now. I would with all modesty say that I have no regrets marrying my wife. She is not perfect, neither am I…
But one reason for that high feeling of assuredness is that I accepted her completely as the will of God in marriage for me. I know that if you ask her, she would say the same thing about me too. (I already shared about this in details in the post How I met my wife).
Just for the sake of argument, what if I told my wife she was the greatest mistake of my life? Would she be happy to hear that? Do you think that would make our marriage work out better? I guess you don’t think so.
On the other hand, what if she is the one that wakes up tomorrow and tells me she regrets marrying me? I don’t want to begin to imagine how devastating that would be to us and our union. Surely I would be sad and disappointed, to say the least!
What does that tell you my friend? It shows that you are calling for trouble if you fail to accept the person you married as your own Mr/Mrs Right – especially if you are the type that takes every opportunity you get to tell your spouse that you made a big mistake in marrying him/her.
Let’s face it, it is not good news in your spouse’s ears if you keep telling him/her you made a mistake in marrying him/her. Unfortunately, some people are living in that awful state of not having accepted their spouses as the right person.
Why did I say so? Because you still hear them say such things as:
If you are one of those who use any of the above sentences on your spouse, you have to stop it except you want to completely destroy your marriage. In fact, you should give your spouse an unreserved apology and make a very firm promise that you would never say such thing any longer.
Once you are married, your partner is automatically your Mr/Mrs Right. Accept him/her that way – whether you feel like it or not.
A reputable international radio and TV preacher I admire so much once said, “I don’t know if you married the right person for you or not. But I know that whomever you got married to has become the right person.”
I wish every married couple would appreciate and live by the spirit of that statement. Otherwise, much crisis in the union would be inevitable.
What do you think of spouses who think they married the wrong person? Let the interaction begin in the comment section.
Still ahead: Towards a Better Marriage 4: Five Dire Consequences of not accepting your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
I want to please everyone every time.
But I can only try, I can’t do it obviously?
I want to be all smiles whenever you see me.
But not when sometimes pains sting like bees.
I want to reach out and change the world.
Who do I think I am? Definitely not God!
I want to look young and beautiful forever.
But natural laws are still actively working in me.
I want to get everyone to like me.
Not when ‘hate’ is still a word in the dictionary.
I strive to be better than I am now.
But when will perfection come?
© Copyright 2016-Victor Uyanwanne
In the first post on the towards a better marriage series, it was acknowledged that problems do arise in marriages. But it was also stated that your spouse is not the problem and so he/she should not be seen as one.
In other words, you should not blame your spouse when things go wrong in your marriage. Rather, you should identify exactly what the issue is and tackle it. That way you will achieve a healthier resolution than blaming your spouse.
In this post we will continue the series by presenting six simple reasons it is not good to blame your spouse when marital challenges hit your union:
1. When you blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong in your marriage, you paint the false picture that you are perfect.
No body is perfect, not even you. You cannot honestly claim that you have never contributed to the challenges both of you may have been facing. If that’s correct, where then is the moral justification for blaming your spouse?
Be aware that for each finger of accusation you point against your spouse, you have four others pointing towards you as well. In other words, you are equally guilty, if not more.
2. You hurt your spouse’s feelings when you hip the blame on him/her every time, without taking any responsibility yourself.
A hip of blame is not piece of cake and a cup of tea, so don’t expect your spouse to take it with delight. Your spouse doesn’t enjoy being blamed for everything that goes wrong in your marriage. Stop pushing it…
If you stop blaming your spouse, you have found one less way of hurting him/her. Isn’t that a good thing?
3. You risk being resented by your spouse if you continue the blame game.
No matter how you look at it, you will see that it is not good to keep playing the blame game in your marriage. Realise that if you blame your spouse long enough, he/she will begin to resent you, pushing both of you apart.
Prolonged resentment will cause emotional detachment and then physical separation or divorce, which I hopefully think is not what you want.
4. As you already know, you will not be able to build a happy and healthy relationship with anyone if you blame or resent him/her a lot.
If you want to build a very good relationship with your spouse, throwing blames at him/her is one of the ways you cannot achieve that goal. Good rapport will not be built on the altar of fault-finding, finger-pointing and venom-pouring
People naturally do not warm up to those who harshly criticise them. Your spouse is not an exception to this, so don’t even dare!
Bear in mind that your spouse too deserves to see your good part. You are not showing him/her that good part if you are regularly blaming him/her for everything that goes wrong between you both.
5. Blaming yours spouse does not solve the problem in your marriage.
Blaming your spouse may help you feel better temporarily, but it doesn’t take away the root-problem in your marriage. It is better to ask ‘what’ the problem is than ‘who’ the problem is.
Fixing blame (on your spouse) is not the same thing as fixing the problem on ground. In fact, the problem will continue to fester while you are playing the blame game. Rather than fixing blames on your spouse, a wiser thing to do is to find out and focus on what the issue is; identify it and deal with it.
6. Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.
Finally, remember the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would want to be done unto you.” It applies in marriage too. I know it is easier said than done. But it is a principle that works out good things in the end, whether it is in a friendship or marriage relationship or any other kind of human relationships for that matter.
Think about it for a minute: you don’t want to be blamed for whatever issues you face in your marriage. So why blame your spouse for it all the time and expect him/her to feel good about it?
Let’s interact more; please leave a word or two in the comment section.
Still ahead: Towards A Better Marriage 3: Accept the person you married as the will of God for you.
Copyright 2016-Victor Uyanwanne
Marriage is a beautiful thing. But that doesn’t stop problems from cropping up in it here and there. If you are already in a committed marriage relationship, it is a mistake on your part if you see your spouse as the problem when those challenges arise.
With this post, I am beginning a new series on marriage simply christened Towards A Better Marriage. As the title suggests, the purpose of the series will be to share some of my thoughts towards achieving a better – stronger, healthier and happier – marriage relationship with your spouse.
If that’s what you desire, let me invite you to go through the entire series with me because it promises to be a rewarding journey for us all. Here is the first menu on offer:
Your Spouse Is Not The Problem
Just like every married couple might have come to realise, I am sure you already know that marriage is not a bed full of roses only. It is full of plenty challenges as well. Isn’t that pretty obvious?
More often than not, it is how you handle these challenges that will go to a large extent to determine the success and happiness or otherwise of your marital experience. The common saying that as you make your bed, so you will lie on it holds true in marriage relationships too.
Except you are married to the devil personified, I am free to say that your spouse is not the problem. So resist the temptation to see him/her as one.
Put in proper perspective, you will realise that the challenges you have in marriage are things or issues, not a person – and definitely not your spouse! For instance, the problem could be the manner your spouse is handling an issue at hand, or it may also be the manner you are reacting to it. Either way, you must perceive that the problem is not a person.
A vital key to amicably resolving the challenges is to learn to focus on tackling the issue at hand rather than putting the blame on a person – your partner. You may have been hurt by what your spouse said or did at some point, but the problem is still not your spouse.
“I love you but I hate how you treat me sometimes,” a thoughtful wife once said to her husband. You’ve got the point? Identify what the issue is and deal with it.
A problem is a problem and your spouse is your spouse. Please don’t mistake one for another.
Here is a relevant story that comes to mind at this point.
A newly wedded couple who began to face some marital challenges went to see an experienced marriage counsellor for possible solutions. After they had vented before the counsellor, he pulled out two paper cards from his wooden drawer and gave one each to the couple to fill in the blanks that followed the simple question: What do you think is the problem in your marriage?
The counsellor then retrieved the two cards and found the boldly written responses from the waiting couple:
Wife: My husband is the problem in our marriage.
Husband: My wife is the problem in our marriage.
Much to the surprise of the pensive couple, the counsellor began to smile as he read out the respective answers. He seemed very familiar with these kinds of self-protecting responses; that was not the first time he had counselled spouses who blamed each other for their marital woes.
“First and foremost,” said the counsellor in a calm but firm voice, “both of you missed the key part of the question which said, ‘what’ and not ‘who’ you thought the problem in your marriage is. From our discussions so far, I can surmise that the answer to the question is not a person, as two of you stated. Should I now take it that you both failed the question?”
“But I can explain what I meant by saying that ….” said the wife, attempting a frantic effort to expatiate on her previous answer. The husband too felt right for blaming the wife. This charged up the counselling room a little more.
The couple blamed each other for their marital challenges. None of them was willing to accept the blame either. Thankfully in the course of the session, the counsellor was able to douse the ensuing tension and also drilled down to the problematic issues in the couple’s lives.
In the end, the counsellor went further to harp on the need for the spouses not to see each other as the problem in their marriage. Rather, they should perceive each other as partners in progress, standing in unity and on the same front to tackle whatever issues that may challenge them in their union.
Here is my conclusion as well: Next time you have any marital issue, be sure to remind yourself that your spouse is not the problem. Identify what the issue is and focus on tackling it. That way you will achieve a healthier method of resolution than blaming your spouse.
Please share what you think in the comment session.
Photo credits: tolovehonorandvacuum.com
© Copyright 2016-Victor Uyanwanne
When I thought I had reached an awful end.
I came to know a faithful and true Friend.
Who completely loves me as I am.
And never causes me any kind of harm.
Many a friend have come my journey way.
But some of them would not afford to stay.
Many were willing to help but were unable.
A few unwilling to render help, but capable.
There’s one thing I have come to know.
Many friends will always come and go.
Their going away may not be caused by strife.
It is a normal phenomenon of this life.
It’s okay when some friends go away for good.
Especially if they can’t stand in your ‘hood’.
When that happens, I’ll try not to feel too sad.
Because I’ll soon find out it’s not all that bad.
Indeed, there is a friend that sticks closer,
Than the most loyal biological brother.
But that will be a very difficult kind,
That only a few will be privileged to find.
I may find one friend that stays longer,
That gives me a kind of support stronger,
Than anyone else has ever given me.
But what if that never comes to be?
We can always find a friend in the Lord Jesus,
Who has promised He’ll always be there for us.
Whatever we go through in this time and space,
We can get succour by looking unto His face.
He is the friend closer than a brother.
I am staying with Him forever and ever.
He is the truest Friend I’ve ever met.
He is known as Jesus Christ of Nazareth!
©CopyRight 2016 -Victor Uyanwanne
There are two kinds of people on Earth: Those who believe that God exists and those who don’t. Amongst those that believe God exists, whether they do know God to the extent of having or contemplating a friendship relationship with Him is a different thing altogether.
Over the past few months that I started this blog, I have had myself writing some articles specifically addressed to atheists – those who say there is no God. The latest of such articles being 16 Sobering Things Every Atheist Should Know.
In this post, I will be talking to those who already believe God exists. But I must add that it is not enough to believe that God exists without knowing Him personally.
Apart from believing that God exists, there is the need for you (and of course everyone else) to get to truly know God and know Him at a deeper level. That is why, as Christians we invite people to know God by calling them into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, His Son.
Without a personal faith in the finished work of Christ, no one can know God at a friendship level. You shouldn’t miss that point.
Distinguished and best-selling Author, Rick Warren, in one of his devotional articles, stated that there are three levels of knowing God: recognition, acquaintance, and friendship.
As the title of this post suggests, our focus here is mainly on knowing God at the level of friendship. But allow me to put in a word or two about the named three levels as I understood them:
At this level, you know that “God is there,” but you don’t know Him personally. In other words, you know that God exists but you have not yet entered into a personal relationship with Him through Jesus Christ, through whom only one can get to know the true God.
You are at this level if you know God just a little, but that’s all. Even though you may have come to know God through acknowledging Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, you are yet to develop that relationship into a deeper level of robust friendship.
At this level, you have come to know God very well. You are not perfect, but you now know God as your Father.
You have established a healthy relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus Christ and you are staying committed to that relationship and you know it. You see God as your friend and you relate with Him as such; you talk to each other.
God wants you to know Him and know Him very well. In Christ, He has offered you an eternal friendship relationship. This friendship will flourish to the extent you are willing to investing your time into it through regular fellowship with Him.
To know God at a deeper level, you have to know Him at the friendship level. And this level is not exclusive to some people. We are all called to seek a deeper level of relationship with God.
In James 4:8a, we read the words, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you…” You see, you are the one that should intentionally draw near to God in order to know Him deeper – at the friendship level.
In Christ Jesus, God is already fully drawn to you. I may as well say this: You are as close to God as you want to be!
Once you have established a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ, it means you have entered into the most valuable relationship of your life. But like all good relationships, it has to be consciously cultivated and nurtured for it to develop into a deeper level of friendship.
To know someone deeply, you have to regularly talk to, or spend time with, him or her. Knowing God deeply is not different from that. Except you are willing to regularly fellowship with God, talk to Him as a friend and let Him talk to you too, you may never get to know Him at the deepest level possible.
Do you desire to know God at the friendship relationship level? Feel free to leave a comment.
©2016 CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne
If you are asked to mention #talented people, don’t count yourself out.
If you are asked to mention #beautiful / #handsome people, don’t count yourself out.
You are beautiful / handsome and you are talented .
You may not feel like it sometimes, but you are still talented.
You may not feel like it all the time, but you are still beautiful / handsome.
No matter who you are and where you are from, take it from me: You are beautiful / handsome and talented!
I know this because I know you were fearfully and wonderfully made.
Have you ever had that feeling of not being talented or beautiful / handsome enough? How did you handle it?
©2016 CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne
It’s been my desire to build a private library in my bedroom for a while now. To that effect, I have been acquiring scores of books covering many areas of interest such as leadership, productivity, parenting, character and talent development, faith, prayer, prosperity, evangelism, business, public speaking, and so on.
But as I am yet to build the appropriate shelf to arrange the books away as nicely as they should be, I have them temporarily stacked up on an average sized table placed at a far corner of my bedroom.
From there I can always take any book to read as often as I am able to do so. One obvious constraint I have with this arrangement is that the retrieval of any specific book is always difficult.
Most often than not, the title I want to read is always tucked in the middle of the others, or so it seems. Therefore, I always have to scatter a few others in order to get to the one I want.
This was the situation I found myself during the penultimate week of June 2016. I had scurried through the stack to fish out a nice book to read during the few days I took off work. In the process, I had inadvertently strewn a few other unneeded books here and there on the floor around the table, with the hope that I would rearrange them back later.
Little did I know that this was a sufficient invitation for my energetic 2 and 4-year old boys to help do further unsolicited scattering. I came back to the room several hours later only to find all the books scattered everywhere on the floor. Instead of the usual stack, what I saw was an empty table with all the books sprung everywhere on the floor.
I stood there dumbfounded. “What type of chaos is this?” I asked myself, without expecting any meaningful explanation from the two toddlers who obviously had a nice time scattering the books on the carpeted floor.
I quickly drove them out of the room and called my wife to see what these boys had done in the bedroom. She too could not believe her sight….
I was obviously not happy with the chaotic situation I met on the bedroom floor. But I would not ‘kill’ the children for it. I simply abandoned the room partly for a few days… I had more important things to do… It wasn’t until the third day before I returned to arrange the books back on the temporary ‘shelf’. And it took me almost three hours to get the job neatly done.
But I discovered to my utmost surprise that I had tremendous fun doing it. I skimmed through all the titles and had the books sorted according to their authors (I read authors as much as I read titles). In the end, I had all the books back and stacked neatly on the table till when the proper bookshelf would be provided.
Here was the most interesting part of the exercise of bringing order out of the chaos: I found two precious items that made me so grateful.
One was a diary I had kept about 8 years ago, which I didn’t know its whereabouts. As I flipped through its pages, I found poems, songs and other thoughts I had personally written down previously, which I had never shared with anyone. I came to realise that many of them would be suitable for posts on this blog in the weeks to come. Honestly, it will be my joy to share them with you.
The second thing I found was the last updated manuscript of a book I had written over 10 years ago which I am yet to publish. Our home computer then had crashed and unfortunately I couldn’t recover the soft copy. So the surviving print out meant everything to me. But I couldn’t trace it until that day, due to a change in our accommodation then.
All I had before I found this one was an older version of the manuscript. Now I am grateful that I can now revisit the newest version, have it reviewed again and then hopefully have it published someday.
Although I was initially annoyed that my children scattered my books into a chaotic mess, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. And out of what I perceived to be a disorderly situation, I found two treasures I thought I had previously lost. All things worked out together for my good, I might say!
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Please leave a word or two in the comment section.
©CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne
Everyone needs forgiveness. On the other hand, everyone needs to offer forgiveness too. And as you well know, ‘everyone’ here includes you!
“If there is no offence, there will be no forgiveness,” they say. And if someone offends you, you have the choice to either forgive or hold a grudge. Either way, there is always at least a benefit or a consequence.
Giving forgiveness to your offender may not be easy, but it is worth your while to extend it wherever it is needed. Other wise, you would be shooting yourself in the leg if you hold on to the offence, without forgiving.
Here are 5 simple reasons you should learn to forgive others and let go of that vengeful feeling you may have against anyone who offended you:
We have all fallen below God’s standards. But by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, He is no longer holding our sins against us; we have been forgiven.
By the same token, you should no longer hold anyone’s offence against them: forgive them! It is more beneficial to give forgiveness than to hold it back.
Some offences against you may appear too terrible and hard to forgive. But guess who suffers more when you refuse to forgive others? You! That’s right, you!
I once heard someone say that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting another person to be hurt by it. That’s absurd. Isn’t it?
You may choose to disagree with me but it is in your best interest to forgive anyone that offends you. The burden is too heavy to bear if you don’t forgive.
No one is perfect – and that includes you! It is self-deception to think that you have never needed or will ever need forgiveness from anyone.
Meaning that if you ever expect to be forgiven when you do wrong to others, (which I know you will, because you are still human), then you must show the same gesture to others who wronged or offended you.
Personal happiness is one of the most pursued goals in life. But a heart that refuses to forgive will never find true personal happiness and fulfillment; You reduce your chances of finding happiness if you deliberately fail to show forgiveness to others.
Offering forgiveness is a veritable avenue to let off some toxins impeding your emotional health. Just as tobacco smoking is injurious to your health so is unforgiveness unhealthy for your emotional well-being.
“I am unable to forgive,” you might say. That’s not true my dear. No matter how deeply you might have been hurt, you can still forgive if you chose to do so.
It is even easier if you allow God to work through, and in, you. By the power of forgiveness God has put in you, you can forgive any offence against you.
Use that power of love that is already in you to forgive others their offences. You will be happier for it.
Forgiving others entails forgiving yourself. If you can’t forgive yourself, neither will you be able to extent forgiveness to other people.
Do you love yourself? Then you must forgive yourself so that you can forgive others or even receive forgiveness from other people too.
Is there any offence against you that you are yet to forgive? You would continue to be hurt if you choose not to forgive. But you will enjoy a sense of release and peace if you will decide to forgive that offence today. It might be a tough decision but you can take it.
Those who say revenge is sweet have not tasted the power of forgiveness. Has giving or receiving forgiveness ever benefited you? Please leave a comment.
©CopyRight 2016| Victor Uyanwanne
The real you is not the one that stands in front of the mirror every morning. The real you is inside of you. The word of God is the mirror that will reflect your true identity. As a Christian, your true identity is in Christ. It is only in Christ (the Word) that you can discover your true identity….
(Victor Uyanwanne in 11 Powerful reasons you should improve your interest in the Bible).
Your identity is who you are. And as a Christian, who you are is important, but who you are in Christ is far more important.
That brings me to this important question: Do you know who you are? Or better still, do you know who you are in Christ?
You should know who you are! If you don’t:
You will end up being unhappy or depressed, emotionally. And of course, you deserve better than that! That’s why I am writing this post.
There is no time I play that song that I don’t get inspired by its lyrics, which are deeply rooted in the word of God. I could never be depressed or unhappy with a song like that on my lips.
But just like many other Christians, there were times I wasn’t so sure about who I am in Christ. I would often ask myself questions such as Am I really saved? Are my sins truly forgiven?
Does God love me personally? Am I completely acceptable to God? Does He have a purpose for me? Am I Sure I am qualified for Heaven?
Looking at myself back then, those were not easy questions to resolve. But once I began to look more in the word of God than in my feelings, the pictures became clearer. As I began to see myself in the light of God’s word, my doubts began melting away.
I am not saying I’ve got everything figured out yet. But at least, I am not where I used to be; I now have a firmer grip of my real identity in Christ than before.
Having said that, I don’t deny that it is possible for a Christian to suffer an identity crisis. But you don’t have to, or why should you?
Many of the identity issues you might face as a Christian will arise if you continually focus on something different from what God says you are. Whatever you might have gone through in the past or you may still be going through presently, they should not make you confused about your true identity.
Who God says you are is your true identity. At any point in time, you ought to be able to say “I am what God says I am.” That is to say, you have to always align who you think you are with who God says you are.
How can this be achieved?
As a Christian, here are 3 three sure ways out of the problem of identity crisis:
It is good to have a very firm grasp of who you are in the Lord. Who you are by your spiritual birth is far more important than who you are by your natural birth.
In other words, who God says you are matters more than who others, or you, define you to be.
At a crucial point in His lifetime, Jesus was cross-examined by the authorities of the day. “Are you the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed One?” They asked him.
“I Am” was Jesus response. No mistake about it. He knew who He was and He embraced it with all His heart, even though it carried a fatal consequence – He was condemned to death! (Mark 14:61-64).
Jesus Christ never suffered an identity crisis, why should any Christian for that matter?
It is one thing to know who you are in Christ and another to completely embrace it with all your heart. Sometimes you may not feel like you are what God says you are. But it doesn’t depend on how you feel about it. It is a matter of the integrity of God Himself.
You have to apply faith and accept that you are who God says you are. Stand on it even if your senses try to tell you otherwise.
Embracing your identity in Christ is the key to guaranteeing that you will not be caught up in the quagmire of an identity crisis.
In Christ, you are a new creation, old things have passed away. The point has been made that who you are in Christ is your true identity. And that’s the identity you should live by.
“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.” 1 Peter 2:9.
I know you are familiar with the things spelt out in that quoted scripture above. If you embrace them with all your heart and live by them by faith; If you see yourself in the light of who God’s say you are, you will never again suffer from identity crisis as a Christian.
Let’s take a further look at who you are in Christ:
The Bible didn’t leave us in doubt about who you are in Christ.
Knowing, embracing and living by the revealed identity you have in Christ are solid things that will make you not suffer the issue of identity crisis. And your life will take on a new meaning if you can get to the point where you can boldly say: I know who I am!
How does knowing who you are in Christ help you overcome any problem of identity crisis? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne