By Victor Uyanwanne

Everyone wants to be happy in life but not everyone is happy. You don’t need to look hard enough around you in your family, workplace, church and neighbourhoods to find huge evidences to support that assertion.

I once rode on a public bus in Lagos, Nigeria, with someone who claimed she didn’t want to be wealthy in life. Of course she stated her reasons, even though I felt differently about her position after listening to her. But I am yet to meet anyone who doesn’t want to be happy in life.

In this article, I do not mean to explain why people are not as happy as they should. But it is my objective to point out who people should not blame if they find that they are not as happy as can be.

Who to blame if you are not happy

Have you not noticed that most people who are not happy blame other people but themselves for not being happy? I don’t know about you, as for me, I know that I would not feel nice if someone blamed me for his unhappiness.

Please be honest with me now, how would you feel if other people blamed their unhappiness on you? I am sure you would not like it too! So if you don’t like other people blaming their unhappiness on you, never feel justified to blame your own unhappiness on other people.

If you are not happy as a husband/wife, don’t blame it on your spouse. 

That has to be said because it seems to be natural to blame someone else once anything goes wrong.

“Whatever you do with your life don’t blame me,” an angry mum once said to her wayward teenager. That sounds like a familiar tune in some families.

Right or wrong, even you may have someone you may readily feel is responsible for your unhappiness. But blaming someone else for your unhappiness will not cause you to be truly happy.

Here now is the big question: If you are not happy in life, who should you blame? The answer is……………  NO ONE!

Actually, a better advice would be that you should take responsibility for your perceived unhappiness and snap yourself out of it.  I am not saying it’s easy but it can be done. No one can do it for you except you.

Looking for Happiness
Looking for Happiness

In a previous post on this blog, it was asserted that the key to your happiness is in your hands – not in the hands of another person. As everyone is responsible for his own destiny, so is everyone responsible for his own happiness. That is to say, if you are not happy, don’t blame another person.

But what do we see in people who are not happy? They blame others for their unhappiness! Unhappy mothers blame their children. Unhappy children blame their parents. An unhappy spouse blames the other half, and so on and so forth.

Should it always be so? My candid answer would be a huge NO. Here are my summarized takes on it:

    1. If you are not happy as an employee, don’t blame it on your employer.

    2. If you are not happy as a citizen of your country, don’t blame it on your Government.
    3. If you are not happy as a teacher, don’t blame it on your students.
    4. If you are not happy as a student, don’t blame it on your teacher.
    5. If you are not happy as a husband/wife, don’t blame it on your spouse.
    6. If you are not happy as a child, don’t blame it on your parents.

    7. If you are not happy as a parent, don’t blame it on your children.
    8. If you are not happy as a player, don’t blame it on your coach.
    9. If you are not happy as a team member, don’t blame it on your other team members.
    10. If you are not happy as a pastor, don’t blame it on your congregation.
    11. If you are not happy as a member of your congregation, don’t blame it on your pastor.
    12. Most importantly if you are not happy with your life, don’t blame it on God.

You have read my thoughts. Please feel free to share yours. I will be glad to read your comments.

© Copyright | Victor Uyanwanne


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  2. Our responsibility Victor to those who are Hurting…..

    Galatians 6:2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

    Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

    2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

    Matthew 11:28 – 30 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

    Ecclesiastes 3 :1- 8 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

    Blessings – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Victor Uyanwanne Dec 14, 2015 / 7:15 am

      Thanks Anne for the quoted scriptures. I totally agree with them. Regards.


  3. So Victor I was responsible for the abuse I received in my Childhood and you can be sure that I was not Happy Clappy and I had every reason not to be as you know with you having read about my Childhood but perhaps to make the point clearer the link below will give you a another picture as to why some people are not Happy Clappy, emotions are real and God given and we need to express them not bottle them up but yes we also need to resolve them and I did, I forgave those who had hurt me but I do not accept the evil they did to me and neither does God. I have inner Joy always but I grieve for all those who suffer because of others Abuse especially Children and yes they do suffer and they are not Happy Clappy.

    Rescued- http://freedomborn.wordpress.com/2014/05/25/rescued-from-the-graveyard/

    In Christ’s Name – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Victor Uyanwanne Dec 14, 2015 / 7:09 am

      No Anne, you couldn’t have been responsible for the childhood abuse you experienced. of course I accept that neither you nor God was pleased by what they did to you.

      But now that you are an adult what you make of it is your responsibility. It is good you have chosen the way of forgiveness and that you have inner joy, the one from God, irrespective of the circumstance we are in.

      I believe the grieve you talked about is a holy grief, the one the righteous experience when they see evil, not the kind of grief that takes away one’s joy. And that’s okay.

      My heart goes out to all children who are experiencing any form of abuse. Like you, may they find grace in God to be set free from the hurt of that experience.

      Thanks for the forwarded link. I will check it out and comment as appropriate. Regards.


  4. Yeikuwa Olawefa Oct 22, 2015 / 7:39 pm

    In the words of Robert Tew ” don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out”. Take responsibility!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jay Oct 22, 2015 / 7:54 am

    Nobody’s happiness should be subject to another person. Its YOUR happiness so control it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. chuks Oct 22, 2015 / 7:51 am

    Nice article. Be happy at all the time and take responsibility for your happiness or otherwise. Always make people around you happy also.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Deo Oct 21, 2015 / 9:21 pm

    Nice post Victor. It’s alarming how most times we tend to blame others when we are sad. I often remind myself that no one should have the power to make me unhappy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Victor Uyanwanne Oct 22, 2015 / 7:26 am

      Thank you Deo for your comment. Your “no one should have the power to make me unhappy!” sounds great too. Regards.


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